Bachelorette party at Fortnum and Masons sounds like a lot of fun, Seska.

It sounds like there is definitely not going to be a wake or funeral for D since he made it clear in his suicide note that he didn't want one. I wish I was better knowing what to do with this kind of thing, but without the usual social conventions, I'm lost.

I remember that you don't like it, but I'm going to hug you anyway."

I think it goes without saying that I would have flipped out like a mammal at this person.

I do have a right to personal space, but she said that I have to remember that other people like hugs, too.

Then they should fucking hug other people.

I may have just convince my little sister to watch Firefly. She's only 14, is it gonna be too scary?

sj, can you find a way to remember him that is meaningful to you? Light a candle by a photo, or something he loved? I don't think there is a "right" way to grieve, especially in a case like this.

eta when I went for my grandma's funeral, I went into my grandparents' bedroom and snagged one of her curlers. I have years of memories of pulling them out of her hair and brushing it. That's all I wanted of hers, and it sits on my altar.

On a lighter note...

I'm going to definitely have to visit

WOO TO THE HOO. Hope to be a resident by then. And yes, you must visit to get the full flavah.

That's too bad, sj. When my uncle killed himself, his widow said she'd have a memorial after some time had passed so it could be more of a celebration of his life than what it would have been immediately (which would have involved a lot of anger, probably) but she never did and I know I missed having a communal ritual to mourn him. Oddly enough, the time we spent clearing out his house was as close as we got to a wake.

I encourage you and your family to set aside some time to remember D together at some point, whether you call it anything in particular or not.

(and Hil, as a hugger, i promise to never ever say "i know you hate this but...." and then chase you down from across the room. that's just not on.)

sj, that's so hard.

Oh, Trudy, I'm so glad to hear it.

Trudy, I'm glad to hear your friend is safe.

sj, can you find a way to remember him that is meaningful to you? Light a candle by a photo, or something he loved? I don't think there is a "right" way to grieve, especially in a case like this.

Yes, it is more figuring out what can be done for his parents and sister. Do I call on them? Send something? I'm really not sure what to do, and mom and stepdad are in FL at the moment, so I can't just follow their lead.

WOO TO THE HOO. Hope to be a resident by then. And yes, you must visit to get the full flavah.

Absolutely-- it's been yonks since I visited (and last time was during New Year's Eve, so it's not like I remember ANYTHING), and New Orleans, much like Miami, I think, is a city you have to immerse yourself in. It's not just about the sights, but the sounds, the smells, the textures-- it's such an incredibly layered, rich city, you have to wrap yourself in it to fully grasp what it is. Then, the trick is being able to convey even a fraction of it in words.

Not that I haven't thought about this or anything.