I love you guys.

I don't know what so many people have this fantasy that everyone has good parents.

Yeah. And even the parents who are the best parents they can be, can't always fight and claw their way to the top of the heap every day for their kid. Some folks just don't have the emotional resources to do much more than survive. My mom couldn't; like it or not, being a parent didn't magically make her able to overcome a lifetime of hardship and emotional neglect, to always be able to do what I needed - or even to understand what I needed. That wasn't her fault. She loved me and she did her best, and in the long run her best was pretty darn good, but being a parent made life much harder for her.

My mom couldn't; like it or not, being a parent didn't magically make her able to overcome a lifetime of hardship and emotional neglect, to always be able to do what I needed - or even to understand what I needed. That wasn't her fault. She loved me and she did her best, and in the long run her best was pretty darn good, but being a parent made life much harder for her.

And this is why, I think, a lot of people like me and a few others I know are trying not to have kids. We look at our parents and we just think we'd rather not. For this, we are monsters who hate children.

I think that whole, "Oh you'll change your mind" mindset may come from people who knew or were people who once their circumstances changed (more money, better support systems, more security) it makes like less hard to be a parent and so they choose it and think others might too.

I don't know what so many people have this fantasy that everyone has good parents.

Sing it Sistah.

All the school paperwork that was filled out on my behalf (before my step mother came along, and even after that when it came to college) was filled out by, you guessed it...me!

It does warm my heart so much though when I see the parents who can and do go to bat for their kids. I wish they didn't have to in order to get quality for their kids, but it is good to see.

"Oh you'll change your mind" mindset

Ha. I was just telling a friend of mine the other day about choosing to be sterilized at 29. It was because I care about children, believe it or not.

The doctor initially refused. "You are too young to make this decision" blahblahblah. Bless his heart, he was doing what he thought was best. I replied, "Let me tell you a little story..." About 4 minutes into my life story he threw his hands up in defeat and signed the papers without another word.

And this is why, I think, a lot of people like me and a few others I know are trying not to have kids. We look at our parents and we just think we'd rather not.

Yep, exactly. I know I couldn't be a really good parent, no matter how much I wanted to.* People tell me I'd surprise myself. Maybe I would. But I'm not willing to bet a kid's (emotional) life on it, and they shouldn't either.

*And to clarify, I don't want to. If I had a kid, I would want to be the best parent ever, but I don't want to be a parent. That's the real reason.

I would like to be a parent, though I'm not sure I'll be any good at it. But I would like to find someone to parent with, first. And I'm getting the feeling that may not happen, or if it does, not until we're too old for that stuff.

My supervisor looked around my cubicle and noted the standard company issue balloon and candy that show up when you have a birthday. "Oh, you just had a birthday?" he said intelligently. "Yup, last week," I said. "So what was it, 29?" he asked, thinking he was amusing. "No, 50," I said casually. He blinked in shock. "Oh, um, well, you don't look it."

I'm beginning to wonder if admitting to that "advanced" age is a good idea. Because it sounds a whole lot older than just 49.

Nah. Seriously, with the greying of America, you are so not alone...Me, for instance.

I think lots of people are still caught up on the 'women don't want to admit their age' malarky...so when you do, it's surprising and they don't know how to react. Or, at least that is my experience.

Actually at work, maybe better off not admitting you are 50. As someone 51, I will tell you lots of age discrimination out there.