"Oh you'll change your mind" mindset

Ha. I was just telling a friend of mine the other day about choosing to be sterilized at 29. It was because I care about children, believe it or not.

The doctor initially refused. "You are too young to make this decision" blahblahblah. Bless his heart, he was doing what he thought was best. I replied, "Let me tell you a little story..." About 4 minutes into my life story he threw his hands up in defeat and signed the papers without another word.

And this is why, I think, a lot of people like me and a few others I know are trying not to have kids. We look at our parents and we just think we'd rather not.

Yep, exactly. I know I couldn't be a really good parent, no matter how much I wanted to.* People tell me I'd surprise myself. Maybe I would. But I'm not willing to bet a kid's (emotional) life on it, and they shouldn't either.

*And to clarify, I don't want to. If I had a kid, I would want to be the best parent ever, but I don't want to be a parent. That's the real reason.

I would like to be a parent, though I'm not sure I'll be any good at it. But I would like to find someone to parent with, first. And I'm getting the feeling that may not happen, or if it does, not until we're too old for that stuff.

My supervisor looked around my cubicle and noted the standard company issue balloon and candy that show up when you have a birthday. "Oh, you just had a birthday?" he said intelligently. "Yup, last week," I said. "So what was it, 29?" he asked, thinking he was amusing. "No, 50," I said casually. He blinked in shock. "Oh, um, well, you don't look it."

I'm beginning to wonder if admitting to that "advanced" age is a good idea. Because it sounds a whole lot older than just 49.

Nah. Seriously, with the greying of America, you are so not alone...Me, for instance.

I think lots of people are still caught up on the 'women don't want to admit their age' malarky...so when you do, it's surprising and they don't know how to react. Or, at least that is my experience.

Actually at work, maybe better off not admitting you are 50. As someone 51, I will tell you lots of age discrimination out there.

I'm proud to be 38. When I say it, it seems so weird, because I still feel about 28 or so. And everyone thinks I'm in my late 20's, so I am fine with it.

I, too, never wanted children, and I think I have said it before, I would have hesitated a LOT more about getting married if D was a full-time custodial parent. I realize that circumstances can change in a minute, but the odds are against it. I would deal, and be fine, I think, and I love M -- but summers and holidays are really good for me.

Bonny, I am so glad you're not dead!

Guys, those Macaroni Grill frozen dinners -- the chicken florentine -- was really good! I added some chicken broth and more spinach, and it was quick and better than the Bertolli dinners, which I have been happy with.

People tell me I'd surprise myself.

I do fucking hate that. I don't want to surprise myself. Not now. Just...no. And, not all people surprise themselves. Not all good people make good parents. Sometimes the good choice is to not. Sometimes the neutral choice is to not.

Bonny, I am so glad you're not dead!

Woot! Me too.

I don't know what so many people have this fantasy that everyone has good parents.

I had wonderful parents. Who were, at certain times and combinations of circumstances, divorced, unemployed, addicted, mentally ill, dead, single-parenting, and/or generally without many time and support resources even when they eventually got the money resources. My resentment is more directed at the same people's fantasy that "good" always has to look like "available for mid-day commuting in a newish car".

Totally preaching to the choir, I know, not to mention late to the party.