I was going to post about the rudeness of couples earlier, but I felt I should wait until Andi came home, so as not to be rude.

Generally the only time Andi and I are rude to each other is when we are being hit by outside forces. If it happens, I usually apologize and we move on.

You are entitled to your feelings, Aims, and if they conflict with her needs, then she should find comfort elsewhere. Your feelings are no less important than hers. You are not a bitch for feeling. And you should not have to shut up about them to spare hers.

Honestly, you're a saint. I can't even imagine being in the same room with her, if I were in your place.

Aw, Aims, that sucks so hard. It awful that their situation happens to intersect with something so intensely painful for you, but it's no one's fault and your feelings do not make you a bitch or a bad friend. They just are what they are. Maybe if you were unloading all this on her instead of here. But that's why you have us to come to.

I'm a terrible friend. We'll just leave it at that. Shut up, Aimee.

I disagree, but won't drag out the discussion for your sake.

Feelings are real and insensitivity is insensitivity.

I hope you can slip in a change of subject so that things get less tense.

Bless your heart.

Thank you guys, so very much. For the most part the whole situation is much like Schroedinger's Cat - I'm not around it, it does not exist. But then I get around it and I just feel like my heart breaks all over again.

I am so glad I have you guys. So very glad. It's been a rought few months. Thankfully, it should be "over" in a few weeks.

You are not a terrible friend or a bad person. You are human. Just human. I am so sorry, sweetie.

What they said, Aims.

I'm a terrible friend. We'll just leave it at that. Shut up, Aimee.

Highly doubtful.

Erm. I have four SIX corsets sitting in my shopping cart. One bottle green overbust, one red damask underbust, one black halter, one super-sexy black (the german fashion one), one silver brocade stripe, the silver green Victorian, and the black Basque. Total with shipping - about $350.

Why, oh WHY haven't I submitted my FSA for reimbursement yet?

Let's see if I can get it down to three.

Aims, I didn't see the unexpurgated version of your post, but Cass already said what I was thinking, so I'll just copy it:

You are not a terrible friend or a bad person. You are human. Just human. I am so sorry, sweetie.

As for the bits about that pavlovian, knee-jerk, expectation left over from childhood or other previously abusive situations in spite of all evidence to the contrary that we are out of the danger, I get it too. I can't think of a time when Daniel has yelled at me. He has yelled near me, say, at the computer, or at a piece of furniture against which he has stubbed his toe, perfectly ordinary times to yell. (I have certainly yelled at things near him, as well. I don't think I've yelled at him, either.) No abuse in it. Yet, I still have to take a few deep breaths and concentrate to keep my heart from pounding.

Generally the only time Andi and I are rude to each other is when we are being hit by outside forces. If it happens, I usually apologize and we move on.

The man apologizes like he's British. He apologizes for apologizing. He apologizes way more than I do. I have to put a bit of effort into not letting him take all the blame for stuff. In fact, I don't think I have put enough effort into that. I'm sorry, dear.

Erm. I have four SIX corsets sitting in my shopping cart. One bottle green overbust, one red damask underbust, one black halter, one super-sexy black (the german fashion one), one silver brocade stripe, the silver green Victorian, and the black Basque.

I *really* like the halter one! It's tempting. I like the silver brocade stripe, but I kind of wish it didn't have the brocade at the top. And that bottle green color is amazing.