Is anyone inherently interesting? I think some of you have your bars set too high. And Tep, that's not an invitation.(Yet, anyway) Most people are schmucks in one way or another. Why aren't you more worried *they're* boring? Of course, I live *here*, so it's easy to keep "fucking hoople," as a sort of default(left untreated, however, this can lead to Olbermann Syndrome--consult your healthcare professional)

I specifically design my shields to not block awareness of others' negative feelings, but merely to prevent me from absorbing them.

I truly adore you, Andi.

I was pretty shocked to discover that I am not a gregarious person. I am an unrepentant street-greeter, I love chatting with strangers, I really enjoy having one or two people over for British tv and noshes...but once I have expended my social resources, lordy, I MUST be alone. When I am down or ill, I can't bear having others around. In fact, there are entire days when I speak to no one but Bartleby and I'm totally okay with that.

The idea of setting aside what you want in favor of taking care of others featured in the article I linked to in Press yesterday. It's amazingly common. So much as to be 'normal.'

It impacted me on a very deep level when my ex-husband and I were going through mediation in or divorce process. We'd been together for 10 years and, at this point, revealed things he really wanted, even needed, from me that I had zero clue about. Had I known, our lives would have been very different. I don't know exactly how, but NOT having that information made me feel impotent and, in some ways, cheated.

Ironically, as my mouth fell open and he realized how hurt I was by not being given the chance to be real with him, he blurted out that he just wanted me to be happy. Sadly, that was a key tactical error.

Boring people don't bug, but stupid and/or mean will have me hiding from them all night.

then I think, "Oh my god, who the HELL do I think I am to have ANY right to deprive them of what they want to do, even if it's something that makes me lose my mind?"**

that's immediately followed with "Who the HELL do I think I am to deny him the enjoyment of what he wants to do???"

Answer: Someone who has just as much right to enjoyment.

There may be better and worse ways to express your wishes, but that's the bottom line -- you have just as much right to enjoy the situation as anyone else present.

I do this! I am insanely social. I like to make sure everyone has met each other and knows each others' interests, stuff they have in common. I will talk to pretty much anyone about anything, invite random people to sit with me or a group I'm with.

And yet, I almost never call anyone to make plans with me because I think they have better things to do, or that they really don't want to hang out, but are just pitying me and being nice.

Hello, this is me. DJ, you want to hang out?

You don't really mean that do you...

See this is probably why we did so well together. Well, that and the Chartreuse.

Hi Juliana! I emailed you...to do stuff...;)

But seriously, I'm an extrovert and even I am with some regularity in the midst of a party or bar thinking "why is everyone else having more fun? They're talking to each other cause they like each other more than me. I don't belong here and Clearly am ridiculous and awkward and making a fool of myself and they only pity me". And then I end up making out with people. What can I say?

I am also one of the insanely social people. My peoples, I loves them!

BUT. Not only do I take on or mirror other people's emotions fairly easily, if someone is low, I will unconsciously give and give until I bottom out. It took a couple of really hard knock-downs to teach me this, so now I try to be more aware of my limits, and better about telling myself "Yes, this is fun! Let's go sit down and recharge for a minute, so we don't fall over!"

Answer: Someone who has just as much right to enjoyment.

There may be better and worse ways to express your wishes, but that's the bottom line -- you have just as much right to enjoy the situation as anyone else present.

I probably didn't articulate that well. What I mean is, I *understand* that what I'm feeling there is screwed up and not healthy. I *get* that. But brain and heart, they don't quite connect they way they should.

Giant meara, then I have to run to work, didn't finish reading everything yet. But I don't want to wait any more to respond.

Mmm, very interesting. Meditation is good, but visualizations don't generally work for me. Still, this is good stuff to think about and adapt. I do have issues with this kind of stuff, especially when I'm feeling down or low-energy myself. Remember when River said something like, "I feel everything; I can't not?" Yeah.

What does fire your imagination? If words, then somewhere there is a poem or blessing or bit of somebody's scripture that you can use as your focus for your shields. If music, then some melody, or song - imagine the power of the words or music, or whatever it is that works for you, surrounding you, protecting you. Or perhaps you can find a gestural/movement/dance that will serve. Another possibility, when you shower or take a bath or even when washing your hands, you can ask/pray/intend that the water wash away all negative energies that do not belong to you. On particularly challenging days at work, I will go to the bathroom splash my face and wash my hands and do that. It helps me.

(It's a common misapprehension that all autistic spectrum types are unable to empathise, but some of us are so far the opposite of this that we get mired in others' emotions - or our misperceptions of those.)

It bugs me, to see that kind of misrepresentation on tv or in movies. Because I know very well how keenly sensitive a person with ASD can be. It is a matter of accepting the individual's expressions of those emotions, expressions of caring, for how the individual can reach out. It may not be there in word or facial expressions. Or it may not happen when expected. But the caring is there.

I didn't know you write somewhere online, Andi

My LiveJournal is mostly posts about LOLcats nowadays. I haven't been keeping it up a lot.

But starting at the SF2F, my brain just couldn't handle it and I freaked the fuck out. Thanks to pharmeceuticals (Ativan), I was able to get through it, but ever since then, larger parties and crowds freak me out to the point that, like La Tep, I have to medicate. At the time, I thougt it had to do with the huge emotional mess I was in at the time, but now I'm rethinking that. I've never had a clue as to what was "wrong" with me and it made me so sad that without some sort of chemical, I don't enjoy myself as much as I used to. It was such a huge part of my personality and to lose that feels like I lost a big part of the essence of me.

I wonder if you were so open to that experience, that you got your natural shielding blown wide open. But lots of extremely sensitive, empathic people get "crowd sick". For some, stronger shielding is the answer, for others, it is better to simply avoid. And of course, I don't think the same answers will apply for one person throughout the span of time. What works one year, may not the next.

When your lizard brain tells you to back off, you don't want to listen to it. You don't want to tell anyone to back off, because you think you shouldn't need to -- you know what you're feeling is WRONG. And the more you feel you're wrong, the worse you feel, and it kind of spirals out of control from there.

Dear ones, there is no right or wrong in it. There is, what works for you, what works for me, what works for each of us. When a breath of air is needed, or an hour of solitude, or a quiet corner, that is ok. We may be disappointed that we cannot revel in the crowd every moment, but it is not wrong to need space.

It makes me feel like a freak. "These are my people! Why can't I feel comfortable around them? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!"

Too much is too much, even of a good thing. If your cup for holding social interactions is a teacup rather than a 44 oz Big Gulp, you have to deal with what you have. If you are the sort of person who enjoys people in person best when it's one or two at a time, it is unrealistic to expect that the Prom is going to be smooth and easy without breaks.