Weirdly, I'm thinking... so many others feel the way I do, why aren't I more comfortable with them in person??? I'm pretty sure that's wrong. I doubt I'll ever make it to another F2F. The last one I attended broke me, and that makes me feel sad and inadequate. Anyone read Jack Ketchum's "The Box"? Horrible, horrible, effective story. I read it last night. This conversation makes me think of it.

Dishes are done and I have to take a nap before I do my seriously onerous project. But first, lunch for monkey bunnies. Man, they're a lot of work when they're home. I forget, despite having them to myself on Saturdays as well.

I think we should have an Introvert Seating at the next F2F -- in that seating,we could have laptops and stress-balls, tumblers of water for Xanax chugging.

No one talks or goes over there and you can just kinda chill, watch things if you want, and no one bugs you until you come out. And you can have Other Introvert speechless communication -- "I love these people, but they are LOUD and GRABBY!" eyebrow tilt, a "Dude, I KNOW. I just need 10 minutes" nod.

I am pretty extroverted, but when I am done with people, I am done, and I leave and go be somewhere for a while. This was an adjustment, moving in with Dan, until I figured out I CAN be up in my office for hours and he's okay with it. It took me a while of feeling like a surly, antisocial bitch before I finally got comfortable with it.

Tom, just because people are your tribe doesn't mean your personality changes magically. As you can see, you are NOT a freak -- you can love people to death and enjoy watching the shenanigans without needing to be in the midst of things.

How many people are saying "OMG, I thought I was the only one who felt that way!?" People react very differently to the same stimuli, and that's perfectly normal -- if there's anything teaching has taught me, it's that. Say the same thing in the same tone of voice to 5 different students, and you will get 5 different responses.

People's makeup's are all so widely varying. I like it; I like that people are different, I like hearing people talk about it because it makes me think, and I think it makes me a better person, friend and teacher, because I can then take that knowledge into consideration when I interact with different humans.

Everyone feels like an outsider, sometimes; everyone feels like a freak. You would only be a freak if you said NEVER felt weird! THAT there's some crazy talk.

I think we should have an Introvert Seating at the next F2F -- in that seating,we could have laptops and stress-balls, tumblers of water for Xanax chugging.

I was just thinking that!

I end up trying way too hard and then toss and turn with anxiety all night long reliving all the stupid things I said and did.

I do this! I am insanely social. I like to make sure everyone has met each other and knows each others' interests, stuff they have in common. I will talk to pretty much anyone about anything, invite random people to sit with me or a group I'm with.

And yet, I almost never call anyone to make plans with me because I think they have better things to do, or that they really don't want to hang out, but are just pitying me and being nice.

Everyone in the Introvert Corner can wear this t-shirt

Oh, how I love you people (in as grabby or non-grabby a way as you prefer).

I'm a cheerful introvert, partially due to nature and partially due to nurture. My sister and mother are both incredible extroverts who have the most incredibly mad flirting skills, so anytime I'd be around them, I'd fade into the wallpaper. No one ever noticed me when they were around. It's still true. I'll hang back and not ever introduce myself and just wait to be introduced, if I'm even remembered, because I figure if I was inherently interesting, then I'd be noticed. (Stoopit brayne.)

However, conversely, I can be rather social, I can function in large groups where I know people or where I have a reason to be there. (My idea of torture, however, is ask me to go into a room where I know no one and feel as if I have no reason to be there, and ask me to introduce myself to people. Just hand over the bamboo shoots and let me be done with it.)

Much as I can love the energy of a large group, though, it is exhausting and I'm often grateful to crawl back to my cave. And then I toss and turn and worry that I was stupid.

All things considered, I probably have the perfect temperament for a writer.

Tom! We love you when you have to leave too, you know! It doesn't switch off.

I can turn off a crowd with the greatest of ease. I can be alone anywhere. My sister had the obnoxious idea that she was going to force switched seating at her wedding reception, and fuck her, I just won't go. I love the look you got when she suggested that, Scola, like she was a mutant freak. Because she was. Her intent is to seat you with people you know for most of the reception, but force you to sit with someone new for at least part of that.

Sure, but I won't talk to them if I don't want to. I only feel mildly bad about that. I can talk to anyone, but I don't always have the energy.

when I can't cope with people who I love, because it makes me feel guilty and like a big jackass buzzkill party pooper.

I feel so badly about this (and yes, I get that it isn't about me), because you (and everyone else who's mentioned this) is so awesome.

Would it help to think that you are making the crazy people happy by stepping back and being comfortable? Or am I being an condescending jackass?

You're not being condescending or a jackass. Not at all. But when I try to think things like this -- "They would WANT to know that they're freaking me out with their grabby hands" -- then I think, "Oh my god, who the HELL do I think I am to have ANY right to deprive them of what they want to do, even if it's something that makes me lose my mind?"**

I am not remotely kidding. I'm much better at having and enforcing boundaries than I used to be, and the fact that I still think things like in the above paragraph should give you an idea of just how crap my boundaries were *before* I improved them.

**(And I even do this with Tim, in...intimate situations. I think, "He would want to know that that hurts like fire and is in no way fun for me," but that's immediately followed with "Who the HELL do I think I am to deny him the enjoyment of what he wants to do???"

And, oh yeah, I *know* that's EXTREMELY messed up. I'm on board with that.)

Is anyone inherently interesting? I think some of you have your bars set too high. And Tep, that's not an invitation.(Yet, anyway) Most people are schmucks in one way or another. Why aren't you more worried *they're* boring? Of course, I live *here*, so it's easy to keep "fucking hoople," as a sort of default(left untreated, however, this can lead to Olbermann Syndrome--consult your healthcare professional)

I specifically design my shields to not block awareness of others' negative feelings, but merely to prevent me from absorbing them.

I truly adore you, Andi.

I was pretty shocked to discover that I am not a gregarious person. I am an unrepentant street-greeter, I love chatting with strangers, I really enjoy having one or two people over for British tv and noshes...but once I have expended my social resources, lordy, I MUST be alone. When I am down or ill, I can't bear having others around. In fact, there are entire days when I speak to no one but Bartleby and I'm totally okay with that.

The idea of setting aside what you want in favor of taking care of others featured in the article I linked to in Press yesterday. It's amazingly common. So much as to be 'normal.'

It impacted me on a very deep level when my ex-husband and I were going through mediation in or divorce process. We'd been together for 10 years and, at this point, revealed things he really wanted, even needed, from me that I had zero clue about. Had I known, our lives would have been very different. I don't know exactly how, but NOT having that information made me feel impotent and, in some ways, cheated.

Ironically, as my mouth fell open and he realized how hurt I was by not being given the chance to be real with him, he blurted out that he just wanted me to be happy. Sadly, that was a key tactical error.