Liese is wise. And experienced.

It makes me wonder about my niece. She has few life skills, and I can't understand how she came to be like that. She's living in a lovely house that her mom rents to her at half the fair market rent, she has a great job, she makes more at 27 than a whole lot of people with families ever make, she's smart and talented and pretty, and has at least two family members who will always be there for her. And she is one of the most self-entitled, self-involved, arrogant, angry, temper-tantrum-throwing people I've ever met. I know she had a rough time of it for a while, but I honestly don't know where this out-of-control attitude comes from, and I don't know how to deal with it. The way she treats my sister makes me so angry, I can't think straight. She should be seeing a therapist, and so should my sister, but I know damn well neither of them will. I can't be their therapist, couldn't even if I was one. My sister deals with it by making excuses for her and letting it all go as if nothing happened, trying to placate and soothe her, because she doesn't want any conflict, and I understand that - I don't want conflict with her either, she can be really hateful. But I don't think it's helping K. in the long run, to know that no matter what she says or does, her mom will pat her head and tell her everything's okay, and no one will ever say, "that was a shitty thing you did/said, and no matter how upset you were, there's no excuse for it." K. responds with, "oh, I was just upset, I didn't mean it! why are you making such a big deal of it?" or some variation of "it was your fault, you made me act that way." I'm afraid I'm going to have to be the one who does call her out on it, if anyone does, and I don't want to. I'm not her parent, and I'm not likely to be very good at it, either.

"the drama is the work"

That is so beautifully true.

My sister deals with it by making excuses for her and letting it all go as if nothing happened, trying to placate and soothe her, because she doesn't want any conflict, and I understand that - I don't want conflict with her either, she can be really hateful. But I don't think it's helping K. in the long run

I am a therapist, but you have the answer right there.

It strikes me as the most ironic of human comedies that the clients I see who are the angriest, most entitled, least able to navigate their lives healthfully are the ones who were the most indulged. Squishy boundaries are nobody's friend!

It's sad really, that in trying to give them the best, parents are actually taking something very important away from their kids.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to be the one who does call her out on it, if anyone does, and I don't want to.

Please excuse the unsolicited advice. I'm a noodge because I care.

Say what you need/want to say for yourself. What can you share that, when you are done, you can walk away feeling like you've done your best and then let it go.

It may have a profound effect on your niece, or it won't, but you will have relief. Either way, you win.

Squishy boundaries are nobody's friend!

Also beautifully true.

Zen, bonny is wise. Say what you need to say, and let go of the results (SPOILER: that's the hardest part).

It strikes me as the most ironic of human comedies that the clients I see who are the angriest, most entitled, least able to navigate their lives healthfully are the ones who were the most indulged.

Over time, I've realized that spoiled is quite literal.

I've been that person, Zen.

I've also ended a couple of relationships. One self-involved brat continued in that path for a while afterward and then someone else may have slapped him and the double whammy woke him up, because he got help and got his life more straightened out than it was. It's not great, and probably won't ever be, but it's better. But he can't see that my reaction had a part in that, and he still resents me. We don't speak. I regret that part, but I don't regret speaking up, because one, it was killing me to watch and say nothing, and two, I know it made a difference, even if he doesn't, and I'm glad for that.

The other instance, she blew up in my face, stormed out, and I've never seen her again. She gave every mutual aquaintance an earful about how awful I was to her, and when asked, I've given a thumbnail of my side. It's cost some intimacy, but most of the friendships survived. I knew it was likely a lost cause going in, and did it anyway.

I've also held my tongue and just distanced myself rather than engage.

It's always a case-by-case, and if you go in knowing you're probably going to lose the relationship, any good that comes out of the confrontation is a pleasant surprise.

I know it made a difference, even if he doesn't, and I'm glad for that.

I applaud your courage and would lay money on the fact that you DID have an impact.

A favorite minister of mine says,"Sometimes, death IS the healing."

The relationships may end, but the courage it takes to be authentic lives on.

The relationships may end, but the courage it takes to be authentic lives on.

Jesus God, you people are especially full of wisdom tonight. I love you all so much, I can't even say.

And I've only had one bourbon and ginger, although I'm about to go get #2.

I'm watching White Collar. Damn I wish I was El, so I could be the jam in that sandwich.

Not to belabor the point of my physical travails, but I'm wondering why one should not take hot baths with a uti.

Since I'm on the antibiotic, would it matter?

The thing is, my body is so tired from holding it like you do when you don't feel well and my muscles are screaming.

On the other hand, I don't want to do ANYthing to jeopardize my recovery (which is, at the moment better than this morning by a good measure)

Would a bath really be a problem?

I think it's the fact the water you're marinating in isn't clean, and can get into places you'd just rinse over in the shower. A hot shower should help. Not as well as a soaky bath, but still good.