is it wrong my first thought was, "Turn two, the rest is food"?

One of the first headlines that popped up in my newsfeed this morning was "Cheney reveals he may need heart transplant."

I just couldn't even go there. It was way too easy.

Wonkette went there:

Lamestream media types are always speculating when/if Dick Cheney will club another homeless child to death and then steal its vital organs, so that Cheney can live an extra week. (The media also enjoys asking if Andrew Breitbart likes boys.) Anyway! America’s most frightening former vice president says he is facing “end-stage heart failure” — what normal people would refer to as “death” — unless he receives another heart transplant. Dick Cheney hates dying so he probably will get that 10th transplant. Oh, and then Cheney praised Obama for using flying robots to kill all the brown people in countries nobody has ever heard of.

Will Dick Cheney Thieve ANOTHER Orphan’s Heart?

I was thinking "Well he has this heart-shaped hole..."

Andi suggested I post this [link] from notalwaysright.com

Very cute.

I think you should start asking your favors of Zenkitty's niece.

Oooh, diabolical. I like.

Andi inspired me to go back the the great timesuck that is Not Always Right, and I found this one that I think Buffistas would like:

I was at work and I saw two girls from my college I knew as acquaintances, but not as much more than that. I had a crush on one of them as she was really pretty and seemed nice for the most part. I watched as she and her friend approached the register.

My Crush: “No, you’re wrong! I’m telling you, he never said that!”

I assumed they were gossiping about something until I listened a little more to the conversation.

Her Friend: “No, he did! He totally did! We watched it last night, stupid!”

My Crush: “Obi-Wan never says, ‘I love you, Anakin’. The line is ‘You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you!’.”

Her Friend: “No!”

My Crush: *turns to me* “Oh hey [my name]! What’s up?”

Me: “Not much. I’m good. And you’re right; Obi-Wan’s line was ‘You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you’.”

My Crush: “Oh, my God, thank you!” *turns to her friend* “And you call yourself a Star Wars fan.”

Her friend scowled, but they paid and said goodbye. I watched as they got to the automatic doors. Her friend pretended to use ‘The Force’ on them. Suddenly, my crush jumped in front of her.

My Crush: “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”

I walked over and asked her out. We got married a month ago.

That story is just excellent.

Eeek, lots of ~ma to Zenkitty's sister. What a shitty situation. Would either your sister or her daughter consider therapy, either one-on-one or as a family? Is there anyone else in the house that can help mediate between them?

And lots of ~ma to Erin, too. You're doing an admirable job of being clear and rational in the midst of a heaping helping of stress and mess. I hope for the best outcome for you, D, and M.

sj, hot-water-and-heat~ma!

I'm back in the office this week. All my work did not magically complete itself while I was out. Hmph.

That is a great story. I wish I had a story like that.

Would either your sister or her daughter consider therapy, either one-on-one or as a family?

hahahaha

My sister went to a therapist a couple times and quit in frustration, saying, "All she did was listen to me talk!" You know, I tried; my sister is a smart woman but she has a blind spot here. Her daughter, of course, is the only sane person in the world and if everyone would just stop fucking around with her, she'd be fine, so get out of her FACE already.

Is there anyone else in the house that can help mediate between them?

Nope! The youngest daughter has written her sister off entirely. Sis's boyfriend can't stand her. Their father is a complete asshole who's thankfully moved far away. And I can't mediate anymore. I'm so angry I can't be objective. I have no idea what's going to happen. I'm afraid Kim is going to screw up her life really badly.