Still sending ~ma and good thoughts Andi's way.

The doctor's appointment yesterday went well. I really like the new doctor. She is setting me up with a local physical therapist and nutritionist in the hopes that weight loss and increased muscle tone will help with my pain issues. This was my choice, she didn't force it on me. Today I had to go back for bloodwork, which did not go nearly as well.

sj, glad the visit went well. I hope it leads to less pain for you.

I am not having a good day. Three of four remaining trainees should be terminated by the rules of the program. It's really hard not to take it as a personal failure. I feel like I just don't understand enough about the culture and mentality they've grown up with, which is why I'm asking for resources.

Right now I feel like Just Another Honky With Ill-conceived Good Intentions Who Just Doesnt Get It.

smonster, did you make the rules clear? Did you give them the opportunity to express any confusion or misunderstandings? Did you give them guidance on how to follow the rules? I'm pretty sure that you did. And you probably gave them warnings and/or second chances. These kids need to learn consequences.

And in other "How does the virtual world affect our views of death and grieving?" news: My fucking aunt is posting on facebook about selling my uncle's things. Jesus lady, you want to talk to the family members first, or maybe don't discuss it publicly with your buddies?

Buying a stereo is kind of a Project. I hate Projects. And I need two more pieces, not one. Sigh. I can see why i never had one before. And I did the rookie thing and threw out the box, because my mom thinks clutter is like a social disease. And I really can't afford this.(And if I had any sense, I'd be downloading crap already so here is another way I'm absolutely left behind by my society and everything that's cool. Because I'm a pathetic cripple with stupid hair who might one day end up the coolest chick in the shelter anyway.

maybe don't discuss it publicly with your buddies?

I've been reluctant to talk much about Sharon on Facebook because my other sister is also there, and our experience of grief is quite different. She has a far more religious outlook, and I'm reluctant to do much musing on the subject of death where she will see. She is also more upset than I (which is to be expected, as they were more in touch with each other) whereas I've been expecting it for months. Fortunately, I've got the Buffistas to talk with, so she can have Facebook for her online grieving.

Sorry about the self-pity earlier...my life can just seem quite discouraging and sometimes? It's the little stupid stuff that brings it out. Also, I watched the Drew Barrymore "Grey Gardens" this week, and as well made as it was, the last thing on this planet I ever needed to see, living with my mother and all, was a deluded mother and daughter living on fantasy, denial, and Bouvier crumbs. "Faces of Death"(do they still make those?) would be a better choice!

Vortex, one of the problems is that we have a limited range of consequences, basically sending them home without pay, which doesn't seem to have much of an impact, and termination.

I wouldn't mind if it were grieving I don't think. Just discussing auctioning off my uncle's things so casually is sending me into...I don't even know.

He had some awesome things. Tulip vases from Holland, an old stained glass window from a church where he did the flowers that was torn down, King Tut memorabilia from the first US tour. Reading about how much these things are worth, and people who didn't even know him discussing it makes me want to throttle the lot of them through the screen.

Now she's talking about his bank statements and legal papers and how it's "just sad." STFU.