smonster, the best thing that you can do with a hair trigger temper is to remain calm and remember that you are in the right. Do not let her get you upset or make you doubt what she needs to hear. Stay firm and on message. If she interrupts, let her finish, listen, take a beat and say "we'll address that later, but as I was saying . . ." and continue with what you were saying. If she continues to do it, then you need to stop and say "I need for you to listen to what I'm saying and think about it. I promise that you will have an opportunity to respond, but right now, I going to finish what I have to say and you will listen. Do you understand?"

Try to make firm statements as often you can. If you say "Okay?" at the end of a statement, it suggests that there is an option, and there isn't here. You want them to be on board, but you also have to be in charge.

short declarative statements. keep your voice quiet. and as vortex says, stay on message. and act like you have all the time in the world. the only purpose you have is to convey a message to her.

and all the ma~~~~ I can send to Andi. let us know more when you can

Yup agree with all of the above. And most importantly, this is exactly why you`re doing the work you`re doing. a traditional employer would not be able to respond to her favorably, but you can. You can bring her to the point of understanding what is and isn`t appropriate workplace behaviour and help her to build a better future.
 
That said, don`t worry too much if it goes badly. It`s a rough situation. Try to think about it from her point of view. It`s really hard to hear criticism about yourself and it`s a journey to learn to accept it with grace. It`s also scary coming from you, a person in authority. She may have learned in her life experiences that the best way to protect herself is to accuse others. She wants to protect her image and her job and needs to learn that she can accept criticism and grow and improve. Odds are her long term goals and intents are what you want for her too, and you have an opportunity to help her realize that.

Good luck with new doctor tomorrow, sj.

{{Laura}}

And Andi, buckets. Buckets on buckets on buckets of ~ma, heading in your direction.

smonster, I got nothing to add (partly because I haven't drank my coffee yet), but I'm sending some ~ma in your direction as well.

I spoke to Andrea, she appreciates the hopes and prayers and ~ma.

I have to go an try and sleep now, They won't let me talk to her until 7:30 am, now.

I am NOT going to work tomorrow. I've left two messages for my boss, and got no response. I'll try to call again in the Am, but I'll be damned if I'm going to go to work when Andi needs me.

I may be job hunting soon.

Oh, Daniel, how hard. Yeah, screw the boss. You have a priority right now and it is not them. Lots of ~ma for her and for you.

Oh dear, lots of ~ma and warm thoughts to both you and Andi, DCJ.

All the good thoughts in the world for Andi, and for you too, Daniel. Please keep us informed--as much as you can.

What Vortex and Liese said, smonster. The thing you need to get across is that the boss or the supervisor has the power in the situation, and lashing out only alienates the person with power, and ends employment on the spot. It isn't being a wuss to acknowledge power.

Bonnie, it's so good to hear Nikki is adapting well, and her daughter is indeed a gem.

Ginger, I'm so sorry to hear Tammy's load isn't lightening. Many good wishes for her and hopes for improvement in the way things are going.

And to end on an up note, Welcome Baby Girl! Aeryn, your family has been waiting with such eager anticipation to welcome you! Your parents have had plenty of practice on your older brother, and you'll have Dylan to show you the ropes as you get older. This is going to be a fun ride, and we're all glad you're here!

Much ~ma to Andi.

I'm sorry, Laura.

smonster, the ideas above sound good to me. I haven't really been in a position of authority over anyone except for a few semesters of teaching, so I don't have much to add.

DCJ, continued ~ma in truckloads and boatloads to WindSparrow, and please let us know more when you can, and what we can do. I'm beaming ~ma like a Care Bear Stare in her direction.

Thank you so, so much everyone. I think that part of her problem is that she lets her frustration build and gets more and more passive aggressive until she explodes. So I'm going to start by trying to unearth what those were yesterday and then address them one by one. I do need to come to terms with the fact that she just may not take it well, or be able to hear what I have to say. I have this tendency to think that if I say things just right, I'll get the result I want. It's a sneaky old conviction that I've been battling for years.