"I ASKED for this without skin!" or "Jacob bit my arm" things that just aren't true.

I feel bad for feeling so inexpressibly irritated by it - I mean, I'm not only the grown-up here, but I made her, out of nothing, I know damn well she hasn't learned to logic yet - but, really; she begged to help me peel the apple, she stood there and watched every second of the delicate operation with great and intent fascination. When she starts welling up and saying, "No, I really always wanted the exact opposite of the thing I wanted so much five minutes ago it made me well up then!" it just makes me want to go Dobler on her, grab her by her tiny lapels, and bawl, "Dude. DUDE. YOU MUST CHILL."

just logged on an saw the news about -t's husband. I am so shocked and sorry.

My mom worked as a Medicaid Examiner, which meant, basically, that she met with people input their numbers in to a formula, and determined whether or not they could recieve aid. There was no autonomy, leeway, or any personal judgement able to be used in determining aid or amount. She was really haunted by this, and really hated her job because she couldn't help those that needed it. Not only were their families on the edge, like Kat's, but also wealthier families who manipulated the system to keep wealth within the family and have the state pay for nursng homes, etc for their elderly parents. Not that the state shouldn't, but it was hard to see people in the middle struggling to pay for things, when people who could pay for them knew more about the system and thus were able to use the state.

it just makes me want to go Dobler on her, grab her by her tiny lapels, and bawl, "Dude. DUDE. YOU MUST CHILL."

Without the grabbing, this is pretty much it, though. As far as I can tell, this is how they learn the consequences of choices. A simple, "You asked for no skin. I'm sorry," and then leave her to cry, is what I would do. I'm known as Mean Mommy, though.

if we had left her there, I assume, we'd still pay $0.

And yet every obvious best ending for Grace is to have her at home--best for Grace, best for you, best so that some other child who can't be at home can have a place at the facility. Nonsensical.

InCOMPLETELYothernews: Sack tapping. Now, I have to admit, I've hit a fair number of guys in the groin, but it was pretty much...well, not consensual exactly, but they knew what they were at risk of. Plus, you know, protective gear. There's something more than dysfunctional about having a go at someone's groin without warning.

Amy, that's a great question. I think I am going to start working on weaning her off the formula. But she won't eat anything by mouth.

So the trick is figuring out how to give her the same calories with roughly the same volume (she gets 1080 cals per day at 1080 mLs of formula) and have it still fit through a tiny g-tube. The answer, for us is a blenderized diet. What it means is, like an infant, I have to test her on a variety of foods to see what can go into the blender (the SUPER blender which we haven't purchased yet as I don't have the $400 it will cost to get the blender that can handle this [$400 is with the huge medical discount] to make a blended diet recipe that will work for her -- giving her the right calories at the right volume.

So far she tolerates rice (which is good because that opens up Rice and Rice Milk both), apples, prunes, peaches. We are going to try yogurt next and then avocado. I will need to get her on a protein like a meat that can be blenderized or protein powder. Then it will be all blendered up and that will mean she will be off formula.

So the short answer is, yes, I do foresee a future without the formula, I hope by the end of the summer. But in the near term, we have to introduce really slowly, looking for allergies. I currently have 4 cases (6 cans each) of formula in my living room which should last another 50 days or so. I hope.

This isn't even addressing the panic I had yesterday when I needed to administer Grace's rescue breathing treatment while were at Social Security but I couldn't because we don't have a travel nebulizer. And I can't buy one yet because I have to wait for payday next Friday.

I should also look up how to hand bag a nebulizing treatment.

I will need to get her on a protein like a meat that can be blenderized or protein powder.

My first thought would be soy and beans, although I have no idea how much you would need to equal the same volume in meat.

I can't imagine having to figure all this out, I'll tell you that. You've got all my vibes for patience and non-allergic reactions.

Is the G-tube permanent? (And if I'm being too nosey, please tell me to go away!)

There's something more than dysfunctional about having a go at someone's groin without warning.

Uh, yeah. Jesus.

I can't imagine having to figure all this out, I'll tell you that. You've got all my vibes for patience and non-allergic reactions.

Seriously.

So, to figure it out, you go to the mypyramid.gov and plug in info on what a preschooler needs. I think I need to do this on a non mac because everytime I try it fucks with me.

Then I just have to figure out what I can add and subtract etc to make it work for Grace. For another kid about Grace's age with a g-tube this is what her blends look like:

12 oz rice milk
8 oz apple juice
1/2 cup of veggies (e.g. broccoli) or 1 cup greens (e.g. kale)
1/2 cup grain (such as brown rice or quinoa)
1/4 cup wheat germ
1/4 cup beans, chicken or fish
1 dried prune
2 TBSP blackstrap molasses
1 TBSP olive oil
1 TBSP maple syrup
1 tsp iodized salt

The g-tube isn't permanent, necessarily. I mean, whenever Grace is willing to eat enough calories it can come out. But for her entire life, she has never taken anything by mouth. She has a huge oral aversion and because she is tube fed on a 24 schedule, she never feels hunger so why eat? When we are ready to do a severe wean, we'll need to find a place like Toft House in Everett to take her on and how we will pay for that remains a mystery.

Many g-tube kids take ages to come of the tube. By ages, I mean, like multiple years. I have visions of Grace turning 21 and bellying up to the bar to pour shots in directly to her g-tube.

Molasses! That's unexpected.

I have visions of Grace turning 21 and bellying up to the bar to pour shots in directly to her g-tube.

Well ...

Oh lord, there was a woman on Intervention like that once for real.