Yikes.

The only thing I will note is: Don't take sides even when it looks horribly unfair.

It's always like this (to some degree) in a divorce and every perspective is skewed. It's like walking into a funhouse. (The kind filled with scary clowns, cf., P!nk).

But I will note that your brother tying it to money only feeds into the problem. (Not that his daughter or ex are blameless at all.) But he needs to practice his Rise Above skills in this situation.

Yes, she does have a lot of gall. But if he maintains this dynamic it will just reinforce her perspective that he's The Bad Guy And Owes Her etc. That's how she sees it. That's often the perspective in this scenario and he can't win.

So. He can be aggrieved, or aspire to be The Classiest Guy On Earth. That's the best strategy. If he can afford it he should put aside his ego and start laying the ground work for Dad's, Actually Not a Bad Guy.

Thing is, he really can't afford it right now. He retired three months ago and just started his new job with the post office a few weeks ago, and is still getting his finances in order from the past few months of being short on incoming cash.

I think if his ex would at least encourage the two kids to talk to their dad, he'd be much more amenable to the idea of this trip, but right now, he's just so pissed at the ex and also at the way his daughter has talked about him for over six months that he's having a hard time being The Classiest Guy on Earth. Maybe he'll be there in a day or two, but he's still getting over that email from today.

A few months ago, he went to a concert of his daughter's. After the performance, she stomped up to him and reamed him out for showing up at all. He told her that, no matter what she said or did, he'd always be there for her. I'm hoping she'll remember that some day, the sooner the better for both of them.

That's rough, Kathy.

OH, Kathy, that royally blows. It must be a challenge for you to find ways to support your brother.

Scrappy, how scary for your assistant! Not to sound all BTDT, but having people's support was extremely helpful when our kids were so sick so I'm sure she'll appreciate any support you give.

In other news, the job I interviewed for I did not get. Which is okay because I was pretty waffly about taking it if offered (it would have been a good choice for me personally but not a good choice for my family as my current school is a mile away and starts late and gets out early). The only part that leaves me glum is the person they hired is someone I serve on an advisory board with and he's perfect for an Arts magnet but kind of a tool.

At first, we thought the niece shutting him out was her being 16 years old and going through the pains of having divorced parents, but it's going on far too long for that,

Six months doesn't seem that long for a teen to be angry at a cheating parent, TBH. It doesn't mean that someone is manipulating her behind the scenes.

Oh, what a horrible situation, Kathy.

Devi, MK, and Dita are all very cute.

Tivo let me down--what happened in the first 5 minutes of Glee?

Why are they at the other school?

The main reason I'm thinking the ex is behind at least some of it is the youngest son's reaction. He's been friendly with Bro and great with Mom until just a few months ago, when he suddenly went into shutdown. A few weeks ago, Mom stopped by their house to take my niece somewhere and decided to bring her new dog by so that my nephew could meet her and play a bit, which he did with great joy and lovingly talked to Mom. Last week, she went with Bro to nephew's baseball game and walked with the dog by the dugout after the game was done, where she was shutout completely by nephew as if that visit at the house (where the X wasn't there, unlike at the game) never happened. Seems whenever his mom is around, he's not willing to talk to anyone on my brother's side of the family.

Maybe that is his choice, maybe he's just aping his sister, I don't know. But that email to the lawyers is making me question his ex's motives.

Oh, well, I've got to get to bed soon. I just hope something works out soon for everyone involved.

Amy Acker on the Good Wife! Neat.

Six months doesn't seem that long for a teen to be angry at a cheating parent, TBH. It doesn't mean that someone is manipulating her behind the scenes.

Yeah, especially at the age when one is figuring out love and sex and cheating for themselves. Not to go straight to Freud, but it might be noteworthy that she went with "Fuck off." Kids are prone to taking things personally at the best of times, nevermind when they're lining up with a developmental stage of their own.

Youngest son could be following his sister's lead or maybe he's hit a wall of his own -- he tried to get along with everyone but now he's feeling betrayed or something along those lines.

Sad times, Kathy. I hope they all work through it soon.