Hivemind, more editing suggestion help?

Original passage:

With a quiet "Ciao," he touched his fingertips to his forehead in this salute move that was totally off the charts. But something about the expression in his eyes—the same one that brought to mind laughter—made me think he was completely aware just how cheesy the move was. And as he turned and jogged towards his field, I sat there fighting back giggles as I got my first clear look at the tat on his shoulder.

The Tasmanian Devil in a swirling tornado.

Taz, indeed. What a dork. Charming, but definitely a dork.

Copyeditor's suggestion:

With a quiet "Ciao," he touched his fingertips to his forehead in this salute move that was totally off the charts. But something about the expression in his eyes—the same one that brought to mind laughter—made me think he was completely aware just how cheesy the move was. And as he turned and jogged towards his field, I got my first clear look at the tat on his shoulder.

The Tasmanian Devil in a swirling tornado.

I fought back giggles. Taz, indeed. What a dork. Charming, but definitely a dork.

A possible proposed alternative from me:

With a quiet "Ciao," he touched his fingertips to his forehead in this salute move that was totally off the charts. But something about the expression in his eyes—the same one that brought to mind laughter—made me think he was completely aware just how cheesy the move was. And as he turned and jogged towards his field, I got my first clear look at the tat on his shoulder.

The Tasmanian Devil in a swirling tornado.

I laughed, loud enough that Taz turned, jogging backwards for a few steps with a goofy grin on his face, like he knew exactly what I was laughing at and was happy to share the joke. Taz, indeed. What a dork. Charming, but definitely a dork.

I'm sorry, ita.

Oh, ita. I keep hoping for a magic bullet.

I like the original best, Barb. It's the Tasmanian Devil. Of course she laughed.

It comes down to which you like best, Barb. You're the author. Change it back if you don't like her edit.

I like the proposed alternative, fwtw.

I'm sorry, ita.

ION, I usually like hearing about athletes who are vegan, because it gives me people to list when people tell me that I can't get enough protein and my muscles with all wither. (I finally convinced my dad that veganism could be healthy when I pointed out several vegan baseball players.) I'm not so sure how I feel about Mike Tyson becoming vegan, though. [link]

You're right, you're right, I know you're right, but I just want to make it as good as possible, you know?

And no, I have no idea why this copyedit is making me so crazy. I wonder if it's not because I already did so many revisions, that it's the little stuff that's really standing out and making me nuts.

I feel like i have no business giving an author writing advice, but that has never stopped me. Anyway, I like the original the best except for the use of "as" twice in the sentence the Copy editor was messing with.

For what it's worth, the CE suggestion is probably my favorite. The alternative, to me, seems to repeat the idea of the self-awareness in the sentence, "But something about . . ."

Anyway, I like the original the best except for the use of "as" twice in the sentence the Copy editor was messing with.

Yeah, that was a sentence that I probably fooled with many, many, many times Stephanie, hence the repetitiveness.

The alternative, to me, seems to repeat the idea of the self-awareness

Good catch, Gud.