I am malicious and squinty-eyed and I just know that I'm going to spend all day on the verge of a sneeze.

Dear Texas,

In July you'll be getting one more liberal. Our numbers are growing.

Is it bad that I want to see this as a bumper sticker?

Good morning nice people. I'm a sheep. I'd just take the breathalyzer. That's how I'm programmed. I also say thank you when I'm given a ticket.

I used my new NUBAR polish last night. It dries super fast which I love. And the green I have on is shimmer but deep. It's not quite perfect, but it's close.

I am placing another nubar order, including ita's brown which I had skipped and some pastels. Burrell, which ones do you want? I'm ordering this afternoon.

I also say thank you when I'm given a ticket.

I'm nice in the beginning, but once I know I'm getting a ticket, I am icy, baby!

I always look and end up having a running countdown in my head. "If I get to sleep now, I'll still be able to sleep for 6 hours....If I get to sleep now, I'll still get 5 hours.....If I get to sleep now, I'll still get 4 hours....3 hours? Please fall asleep now.....2 hours? Shit. Only 2 hours.....Well, crap. I might as well get up."

I was doing this just last night! And it was NOT fucking great!

I also say thank you when I'm given a ticket.

Me too! Baa.

I want to drop "But what about the plaid?" into eery debate, now. Where I would otherwise be tempted to ask "Won't someone please think of the children?!?", I"m thinking.

I would have a running countdown if I could see a clock from my bed (too near-sighted to read my alarm without glasses/contacts), but I can talk myself out of actually getting up to check the time unless I am committing to just getting up in general.

My issue tends to be whether it's supposed to be light out when I wake up. So then, when I wake up in the "middle of the night"--is it light out? If it's NOT, and I know it'll be light when I'm supposed to wake up, I can attempt to snuggle back into the pillows and try to sleep more. If it IS, then I have to look, worrying that perhaps the alarm will go off in like, three more minutes, and it's not worth trying to get back to sleep.

If the alarm is going off while it's still dark, all bets are off.

My issue tends to be whether it's supposed to be light out when I wake up.

I'm pretty sure that's why I slept until noon on Saturday -- it never got all that light out!

This morning I woke up before the alarm. I don't know why I was already semi-awake, but then the cat was hacking and then I got a text, so then I was awake. Pfui.

Good morning nice people. I'm a sheep. I'd just take the breathalyzer. That's how I'm programmed. I also say thank you when I'm given a ticket.

The one time I got a ticket (for a u-turn on 10th Ave so I wouldn't get sucked into the Lincoln Tunnel), the police officer started to explain how to contest it and I was like "Why would I contest this? I did it."

ETA: Unsurprisingly, I was born in the year of the sheep in the hour of the sheep.

My friend Miriam is a home-care nurse. Chicago cops are always nice to nurses. Once she got a ticket for something - as the cop was filling out the ticket, she started doing her paperwork. When the cop asked her what she was doing, she told him, and then he said, "You should have told me you were a nurse. Now that I've started writing the ticket, I can't cancel it. But just show up in court and I'll have the ticket dropped." So that's what she did. In court, the cop waived at her. The cop said something to the judge, and the charge was dropped.

Miriam thinks that cops are afraid they'll end up in the hospital and end up with a nurse who's mad at cops, which is why they're so nice to nurses.