Like a real, mooing one, right?

Yeah. She was in heat (the first time heifers goes into heat they sometimes act crazy). She knocked me to the ground and pinned me there using her head. Then she apparently was trying to use her nonexistent horns to gore my chest. (Thanks, Dad, for de-horning all our cattle.) I was punching her in the head but her skull was too thick so it had no effect. So I jammed my fingers in her eyes and she backed off enough for me to get up and get away.

Appendicitis is probably the closest I've come to death, and it never even burst, so it wasn't that close.

There were a few times when I was a passenger in friends' cars when I realized how close we were to totally getting in a serious accident, but those were mere pulse quickeners.

One of those same drivers rolled his parents' car which I thankfully wasn't along on the ride for. He had really bad luck with cars after that too.

ugh, I just went through a list of stuff for the house with my parents. We are going through imaginary money pretty quickly for a house that is not really ours yet. So far:

new wall with electrical, new insulation, paint, tree removal (probably 3 trees), new garage door opener, a/c servicing, washer/dryer, refrigerator, sod.

Oh, and one day when I was up in Maine visiting home, it was the day after a big rain and wind storm in the summer. I was on Maine Street (yes - they spell it like that in some towns there) and about five seconds after I passed it, an air conditoner fell from a third story window. Missed me by just a few yards.

Oddly, my first thought was "that's going to cost somebody some money" as it was a large unit. It took a few more beats for me to realize what would have happened if I'd been walking a little bit slower. Didn't see my life flash, though.

I don't remember my near-death experience (fall down go boom, aka my face, my beautiful face!), but I apparently came up punching in the ER when they were trying to sew the cut near my eye. Good times.

I was on Maine Street (yes - they spell it like that in some towns there) and about five seconds after I passed it, an air conditoner fell from a third story window. Missed me by just a few yards.

I was in the path of a runaway bulldozer/front loader. Very odd watching it roll down an alley in North Beach, curve onto Broadway and then roll towards me. But it kept hooking so I didn't have to dodge it or anything, and the blade rammed into a brick wall taking out a chunk. But I was a good 20 feet away.

But there was a brief moment when it was rolling down hill and I didn't know which way it would go where I was mentally preparing myself for Dodge the Bulldozer.

I was walking in Uptown once the morning after a big storm. Suddenly I heard a loud crack, and a big-ass tree branch landed about 10 feet in front of me. Yeah, it was big enough to seriously injure or kill me. Weird, as there was no wind at the time - the branch must have been severely weakened by the storm.

Makes me think of that episode of All In the Family where Archie is almost killed by something falling at work. So Meathead says, "Did it occur to you that maybe God was trying to kill you - and missed?"

aka my face, my beautiful face!

Still beautiful.

I was in a car accident once that where the door right next to me was very nearly hit by a car going at highway speed, but the driver managed to brake and swerve just in time. Didn't get the life flashing before my eyes thing, just an "Oh, fuck," reaction.

My mother lived in Mexico City for a while (she won't tell us why), and was on a bus or tram that stopped. She didn't speak enough Spanish to know why or when it was going to start up again, so she just got off and started walking. People were yelling at her, but, still not with the Spanish-speaking.

Turned out there were fallen power cables blocking the way, and she was stepping right over the live juice.

She decided to take Spanish lessons.

Her sister had an intruder threaten to rape and kill her. She talked him out of it. Her success was one of the reasons she went into psychiatry. The other reason was the corpse in the morgue that sat up at her.

I don't always know how to take her stories.