So, I am in a crappy mood, and realized I was in a crappy mood last year at New Year's. Maybe it's a thing.

It was a fine year. Not a lot of changes, which was fine after 2008, the Year of Changes. Kids healthy, husband likes his job, mine is okay, I finished my library degree.

I'm still in a crappy mood.

I'm still in a crappy mood.

Yeah. There's something about NYE. I always feel a bit rubbish and end up doing nothing. The quieter the new year's eve, the better!

2009 wasn't a bad year for me. I finished my MA course with some very good grades - discovering I could be really good at something, rather than academically mediocre as I had always been before, was *massively* exciting, especially given the events of the past five years and the loss of my teaching career through disability. I haven't had my final MA result yet, but I'm hoping for something good enough to get me accepted for a PhD. And I'm about to start other training that I hope will lead to some future career options. It was a less good year for my Girl and her family, with her father still dealing with cancer, and we're hoping 2010 will soon look a bit better for them. It was nonethless truly wonderful when her father agreed, just a couple of months ago, to come to our civil partnership ceremony. That's next year's big event!

I'm working on accepting my limitations, especially where pain and energy levels are concerned, which is exactly what led me to b.org. I'd been hanging out at internet forums that drained my energy, and had been unable to find a fandom messageboard that I could engage with. This place is so different - both infinitely diverting and full of real friendship. And getting to meet Shir and Nilly this week definitely made my year!

Calli, I do mean Rose from Dr Who.

Yay for academic success, Seska.

I,m not in a bad mood and I've been productive today, but I do feel the "eh." There's socialization in my future, which I hope will help.

2009 has been a good year for us, again. I'm thrilled to still be in our beautiful new house. We're so fortunate to be in year nine of our own nonprofit company. Our lives together and relationship is really good. Musically the new band has been good for us. Spiritually we're doing well with both the churches, although they are not all that happy with each other, we're happy with them.

So there's been some sadness. Dave's uncle died, and that was a big loss. Both sets of our parents have had progressing health issues, and that will continue. It's hard because we've chosen to be geographically far from them. I think sometimes that we may need to be back there at some point. But right now they're okay, it's just hard for us to be so far.

But everything else is really good. Work with the kids is going so well. We're happy and healthy (for the most part, flu notwithstanding) and feel very very fortunate.

I look forward to seeing what 2010 has for us. But I know that good or bad, I am glad to have had this time, and to have you awesome peoples in my life.

I may not make it to midnight, so here goes.

The Good - Work evened out after getting really rough at the end of 2008. I kept my job, which was not always a given, and even got a bonus. No new lumps or bumps from what were found in 2008. Extended family stayed reasonably healthy. Grandma turned 96 and is still getting herself around, can mostly see and hear, and has a still nimble mind - blessing. Paid off a couple of credit cards. Read more than in 2008.

The Bad - Had to have surgery to start the year. Had the roughest year yet with mac, including a night in the hospital and trauma I'm not quite through processing. Bedbugs. Had to switch afterschools for mac and the new one is less of everything. Gained more weight than I have in a while.

The Just is - Decided to move from New York to Texas at the end of the school year. With more Drs and helpers am spending more money each month leaving less for debt payment and treats for myself, but they are a help.

2010 brings a lot of changes - I am not sure I have ever known a year would hold this many changes going in. I hope the changes I don't know about will be good ones and the changes I do know about (selling house, buying new house, finding new job, mac starting new school, moving itself, living near parents for first time since 1994, new therapist) will go as smoothly as possible.

It was a fine year.

I saw you in 2009; that was a big plus for me.

I don't usually try to wrap up the year in any way, but I do feel a need to note some of the losses of 2009 that had an impact on me:

Great Uncle Leo, 90, Jan 1
Eileen Boevers, 68, Jan 11
Jen Dyson, 32, Jan 14
Jeanne Parrott, 60+, March 24
Tony Passiglia 39, April 20
Michael Philippi, 58, Oct 27

Not exactly the same, but also a kind of loss... on Sept 11 I learned that Apple Tree Theatre, which had been in existence for over 25 years (and my primary employer since I moved to Chicago), was shutting its doors.

So, for 2010 I'm hoping for health and happiness for those near and dear to me and that I can sort out where I'm headed professionally, among other things.

2009 is ending with such optimism and energy that it's difficult to remember what else has happened. I'm not sure I want to go back and dig up the highlights.

As it stands, I've finally (and by finally, I mean "holy crap, it's taken me a decade to resolve this issue") figured out an organizing principle for my work...a networking plan that might actually succeed in bringing me the volume of work I desire...and begun a blog that may just help me get over the blocks to finishing my book.

Bartleby is well...his vet absolutely crowed over his new, home-fed physique yesterday...and continues to be the joyful center of my universe.

My 'surrogate' parents have nurtured me for 21 years as of last month and I could not be more blessed by them. Today, Niki called me 'compassionately intolerant.' It inspired a blog post, in which, I declared that I may just need to get a tattoo of that...a t-shirt, at the very least. It's more apt than I could have ever come up with myself.

I have lived in my apartment for 11 years, as of today. It's been an interesting ride with my landlord, but we've come to equanimity. I've fallen more in love with my neighborhood...in a way that would take too long to explain, but it feels like the Universe has balanced the lack of 'home' and belonging in my childhood in a charmingly divine way.

My health is good. My clients improved. My friends struggled but are now prospering again. I never expected to live past 45, and yet, April will usher in my 50th year.

The lowest light of the year was the death of my friend Kim. I'm a championship griever, so the pain isn't what's getting to me...I'm just oddly still unbelieving. I can't help expecting that I'll see her striding toward my house with her quirky grin any minute now. I pray for her struggling family and appreciate that I had the chance to know...and miss, her.

The only bad thing I'm anticipating in 2010 is my bff moving to Arizona...quite close to my other best friend and baby. One would think it's a sign I should go back west...but no. I'll miss them so much.

May each and every one of you wake tomorrow to a bright new day and the beginning of your very best year ever.

2009: It was OK. Finished my masters degree and went on vacation to California and New Orleans. No unexpected deaths (though I do feel I might be jinxing things with 2 hours left.) We are both employed and love each other very much and have wonderful friends and wonderful cats. We are healthy and lucky in so many ways.

The bad: we hate our jobs. The initial failure at my exam threw me for a loop, and I have been reminded several times that I am failing in my job which is fairly unpleasant to deal with day in and day out. Family stuff is always sensitive, and my mom getting laid off was tough news.

I am hoping in 2010 to sell our house and move to Northern CA. We will see!

I posted earlier a month by month of my insano-wonderful year. sarameg "Goodbye and Good Riddance 2009: So long and thanks for all the fish." Dec 3, 2009 7:35:32 pm PST Still swimming, no less than a mile a day, often more. Which is amazing when you think I just restarted it in September. I've always been a little unawares of/indifferent to my body, when I haven't had a bit of dysmorphia or something going on. I'm aware of it now, and I like it. I like what it can do and how it makes me feel. And HI! shrinking boobage is good! I apparently do like endorphins. And the 40+ minutes where I just zone out and let my mind wander as much as it can while counting laps is good for my mental health. I work things out, or I don't. I fantasize or just do mental math (every time I hit a 7, 17 or a multiple of 7, I think of Nilly, which is funny.)

This was a year of waking up. Of travel, of flinging myself headfirst out of my comfort zone. Of buying a house, making new friends, crazy moves, some stupid decisions I can only laugh at now.

I don't know how I'm going to make 2010 compare, but I think the start 2009 made has given me new direction. I will do fun stuff to MY HOUSE. I'll paint doors purple and blue. I'll put in a garage door. I'll blow up pictures from Bhutan and Kathmandu and put them on the walls. I have projects for a lifetime, in a neighborhood I love.

I turn 35 in 7 months. I normally don't think much of age numbers, but somewhere in my head, I wanted to be where I am right now before 35. So this one I notice. I'd love to take another exotic trip, though how financially viable that is, I don't know. I am stretched thin right now. But I've got to find a way to keep up the travel. That is one thing I've learned. It's one place I never fail to break out of my mold and learn something new about me and I need that kind of forced shake-up. Can't wait another decade for that.

2009 was excellent. Thanks to all who've taken this journey with me, packed me up, cheered me on, laughed at my antics, invited me over, suggested a read, tolerated my cat posts and pat-patted my anxiety attacks and just distracted me. You helped make this journey, and I can't imagine doing it without you.