Yeah, I am not ready to talk about 2009 yet. Most I can say is that looking back 2008 offered some foreshadowing and 2009 saw the actual meaty stuff come to pass. I'd like to say I'm out the other side on some of this stuff, but it seems premature. There's still most of a month to go and even though my brain and energies are heavily distracted by 2010, I know that is plenty of time for 2009 to snap me to attention.

There's been some very good stuff, and some very bad stuff for me in 2009. The best descriptor, I guess, would be "upheaval."

I worked the most stressful job of my life, for the lowest sum of money I've made since grad school. I had a second surgery, a hysterectomy, that removed a huge stressor -- my painful, emotionally devastating periods -- from my life, but also removed the possibility of ever having children. I didn't think I ever wanted children, but the absolute negating of the possibility had been a little weirder than I thought it would be.

I met and fell in love with my boyfriend, who has a child and a difficult ex-wife. That's been both amazingly good, yet amazingly hard, since I am a independent person with issues, and it's been hard to mentally work through the gymnastics of being in a relationship.

I in-and-outted of my depression. Better than it's been for most of the year, but it's still something I have to work on and be aware of.

I got fired. And moved in with my boyfriend two weeks earlier than expected. This has been really hard, since I got fired October 1st, am not eligible for unemployment, and basically, had two huge life stressors happen to me at once. I am broke. I have NO MONEY. And the job search is endless and depressing, and even though I got hired as a sub, I haven't been called in yet. I feel like I'm abruptly a 50's housewife, without the benefits of marriage -- did I mention I was turned down for health care? I have no health insurance.

The last month has been kind of wretched. On the one hand -- yay! Living with my bf is great on so many levels. OTOH, I feel like a leech and a loser and this is really affecting my self-esteem and, in turn, my depression and insomnia.

So, I guess, my take is 2009 can BITE MY ASS. 2010 has got to offer something better.

Ima grab 22 while I'm here, there are lots of 22's in my life.

I meant to come back to write in the 2008 thread and never made it. So I'll get in early this year and not overthink it.

The things I'm grateful for and that were good all year have to do with being comfortably middle-class. I've got a good job, a reliable pension, medical stuff is covered, and I might even take an early retirement next year.

I am so lucky to own a house and I love living where I do. I can roll out my door on a weekend morning, drive 3 minutes over a hill and be near the base of Mt. Tam riding my bike along a gorgeous creek (egrets! ducks! Blue Herons! people walking Labradors!), and up into park lands along small creeks and lakes, down fire roads so covered with redwood tree duff, the tires don't make any noise. It's awesome. I owe big thanks to my friend LS for getting me out and riding regularly with her, and that's also part of what I love about where I live. I have terrific neighbors who are also good friends, and it makes the neighborhood really special.

My mother turned 95 two weekends ago, and still has all her marbles, plays a wicked game of master-level bridge, reads several thrillers a week, exercises regularly, is financially independent, and somehow manages to get along with all of us constantly quarreling siblings. I am very, very lucky, and grateful, for this.

The siblings, eh, it would take too long. The best thing that happened is that my brother experienced whiplash from my older sister turning on him and now, finally, understands what the rest of us have been saying for years. The sister who owes me a lot of money is making regular and relatively substantial payments on her debt. The other sister is a horrible human being, but I don't have to associate with her, hooray!

My dear friend Sharon died of ovarian cancer just before Halloween. As one of her caregivers for the last six weeks of her life, watching her decline, I'm glad she is released from her body. (Cancer sucks!) I miss her regularly. I'm also engaging in looking for her cat, because the couple who took her cat in let him out after a few days (what were they thinking!!) and he's vanished. I'm hopeful that he's around, watching their house, and will return to them, or make his way back to Sharon's house.

My cats are fine, the two rescue kitties are settling in, still, and my little black cat is doing well considering the two girls who invaded his territory just won't go away. It helps that they think he's a rock star.

2009 was really fucking good to me. REALLY FUCKING GOOD. Paced like I still cannot wrap my head around and it is slowing, but still.

January: I took my Miss T, a 14 year old, to the Obama inauguration. It was phenomenal and we met some great people and whoa.

February: Took the plunge and contacted a peppy, chirpy texas-born realtor to look at houses. Promptly gave her a death cold and had to postpone looking at houses until March. Back started crawling, literally. Started up major headache project at work.

March: Saw houses. In the space of a week, second house I saw, fell in love with, made an offer, had offer accepted. Back went into full time overdrive. Got counter, got accepted before I could even tell my mom I made an offer. New roof slated. Started to rain like whoa. Lost 10 lbs. msbelle visited with mac and started packing me up.

April: More packing. Closing April 17. Lose 10 more pounds the week of closing. Amazingly easy. Paint ceilings. Clean. Move in April 25. I HAVE HOUSE OMG WHO THOUGHT I AM GROWNUP HOUSE AAHHHHHHOUSE!

May: SMOV, SM4 hits the fan, work goes batshit crazy, I start calling decking companies, I HAVE HOUSE! Unpacking. Washer, dryer, wiring, fun!

June: I HAVE HOUSE!! 8:30 am meeting 7 days a week. SMOV. God love SMOV. LAUNDRY IN MY OWN HOUSE.

July: I leave the country in the midst of the chaos of my work and home life. Kathmandu and Bhutan. Oh god, it was perfect. Better than perfect. Made my mother cry for the first time since I was 14, no idea why. Rediscovered flying in exercise. Had a really inappropriate international fling. REALLY INAPPROPRIATE. OMG. Fun! None of these things are related. I love the dance of both Kathmandu's crazy alive and Bhutan's peaceful enviro-whatever green hiking nature shit.

August: Had new deck put in. $$$$ Story of my life now. Discovered the joy of walking around the lake near me. Farmer's market near me. Falling more and more in love with my new neighborhood.

September: Got a Y membership, hey, I love swimming. A LOT. Swam every day the pool was open, major rush. PEOPLE. More house shit.

October: More pool habit making, good for me. More lake walks. Venturing into more new people. Fall into inappropriate trap AGAIN , but fun and I behaved, damnit. Decide it is a Thing, must guard against. 2 swimsuits retired.

November: TG!!! Good people and food and yeah. Good. Received 2 well earned commendations at work. Belatedly discovered I got a personal one as well, in a monetary form that still floors me because it is awesome and rare and WHOA I need to write thank you notes.

December: Just starting, but I've got food for thought regarding my career and people who are taking an interest in it and trying to make it for me. So.

it's been a really fucking good year. I might still have bits to add. It's been full. Very full.

I got a job in 2009, which makes it much better than 2008. Makes it a year I'll talk about. It's a job I enjoy, one that challenges me, one I'm good at, one where they like me.

And so I learn how much of my self-image is tied up in my employment, and that a large part of my depression was situational.

The migraines continue, and I guess they're pretty bad still, but they're better and I can work 40 regular hours around them even if I take more dilaudid than the doctors like. It's less than it was.

Is it wrong that I really want to hear about sarameg's inappropriate international fling?

(you're not the only one, Stephanie!)

(omg. i just realized i had no inappropriate sex in 2009! only appropriate. that's so weird!)

ION, no. Tell!

OMG, you are such a tease!