I know! Please don't throw your passive aggressive bullshit on me. Just because you would do something that you don't want to and indicate it by your response to the thank you doesn't mean that I will.

Exactly.

I know that I've got some mild Asperger's tendencies. One of them is that social small talk is really difficult for me. Saying things I don't really mean -- like "I'm fine" in response to "How are you?" when I'm really not fine, or "Nice to see you" to somebody I really didn't want to see -- does not come naturally. I know how to follow those sorts of rules for situations when I have to, but I am not going to waste time with lying to a friend.

In general, when I say no problem, there's also a weird thank you. Like, for grabbing someone a latte while I'm getting my morning coffee, I get, "OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS IS LIKE THE BEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME, AND YOU HAD TO GO ALL THE WAY DOWN THE ELEVATOR TO TO IT YOU ARE SO AWESOME!"

And so I say, "No problem, really"

And so I say, "No problem, really"

Me too, and then roll my eyes once I turn my head. ;)

I HATE weirdly effusive thank-yous.

she legitimately gets to ask herself, "Is this dude going to attack/assault me."

I try to explain this to my father, except no one ever doesn't talk to him, so he doesn't believe me. He had a young woman pick him up in the rain on the side of the street and give him a ride to a hotel one of the last times he came and stayed with me. He somehow failed to understand that black men aren't even supposed to be able to get cabs, much less rides from nubile white women who express regret they don't have time to take him all the way to the airport.

And then there's Colin.

But it's never guys like them I'm trying to scare off. Colin and my father don't have male privilege issues. They have centre-of-the-world issues. Took me a while to realise that in my father's case.

eta: I say "no problem" because I'm Jamaican. Everyone can bite me.

I'm fine with social small talk because I usually am fine, or if I'm not either I know the person well enough to elaborate on how I'm not fine, or I don't and so I'd rather say "I'm fine." Than get into it. And I generally am happy to see people, and if I'm not they know it and know why.

Once, my first year of grad school, a professor held a door open for me on my way into the department. I said, "Thanks." Apparently I didn't say it loud enough for him to hear, because he bent down so that his face was at the same level as mine (he's more than a foot and a half taller than me) and said, "It's customary to say thank you when someone holds a door for you." Ugh. I just said, at the same volume I'd used before, "I did." (I speak kind of softly anyway, and I had a sore throat that day.)

That's kinda hubby too. Not nearly on the scale of Colin or your dad. He's the kind of guy most people want to be around because he is very kind and friendly and generally awesome. Come to think of it, my dad is that way too.

I'm really bad at the small talk and saying things like good morning and I realize I tend to get rude and want to walk around people who are being slow.

Mom suggested she thinks I might have asperger's tendencies but I think it's more likely to be that I didn't really have the normal socialization when I was growing up and so I just didn't learn certain things.

When I was in seventh grade, I got a C in band one semester. I knew I deserved at least a B, and my mom called the teacher to ask why I got a C. He said that the reason was that, every day, when he said, "Good morning, Hillary," I responded with, "Hi." If I had responded with, "Good morning, Mr. S," then I would have gotten the B.

Or perhaps you're just busy and saying "Good morning!" to everyone who crosses your path is annoying, and saying it to some and not to others seems rude.

My rule is, passing someone in the hallway that I work with or know who makes eye contact, gets a good morning. Otherwise, if you visit my cube you'll get one.

I work in a giant tower downtown. If I don't walk quickly past herds of office workers meandering, I'll never get lunch.