Now that I think about it, I really can't imagine the logistics of trying to plan a holiday dinner where everybody brings stuff to be eaten during the main course. We've got enough trouble just doing that with dessert and making sure that everybody will have something to eat, since we've got one vegan, one diabetic, one gluten- and dairy-allergic, and one who doesn't eat fruit. (The dessert solution to this situation, if you want to be relatively simple about it, is to have one bowl of berries and one vegan chocolate cake, with some regular whipped cream and a can of vegan whipped cream for the berries. If you start overthinking it, you end up with five desserts.)

I think it's rude to take home what you bring unless you're asked to take it home with you.

I was raised that way too, but since most of our guests who brought sides to Thanksgiving did exactly that, I decided it must be a personal thing. We had 18 friends for Thanksgiving this year, and everyone brought something. I would have happily sent people home with leftovers bit didn't have enough take home containers to really offer.

I was raised that way too, but since most of our guests who brought sides to Thanksgiving did exactly that, I decided it must be a personal thing.

I've thought of bringing a dish as a stand-in for a hostess gift - so I leave the disposition of the leftovers to the hostess. Or host. If they invite me to take it home, then I will, but I don't just assume it's still mine.

For Thanksgiving there are usually 4 of us-- and we cook enough for 16. So even this year we had enough for all 7 people to have some leftovers. I bring leftover containers to my sister's house as part of the deal.

We often have giant potlucks here-- small ones are 20 , large ones can hit over 100 people. Leaving everything leftover would overwhelm the host, but usually I take my leftovers only, unless there is just too much food, then I will take more. ( at the invite of the host, of course)

However, for an actual formal dinner-- or even Thanksgiving at someone else's house I would not expect leftovers. And actually, I am rarely hoping for leftovers even at a potluck

I plan on taking home any physical dish i bring (like, the metal or glass container) but consider being gifted with leftovers a treat based mostly on how many guests are present and how many takeway containers the host has on hand.

This is how I see it too. In fact, I see it so much like this its hard for me to see it any other way.

I would be mildly upset if I didn't get leftovers from Thanksgiving...

WROD!

...but that is because packing up the leftovers before packing up the fridge is a part of our family tradition. We are each expected to bring leftover containers.

Oooh! You guys are organized!

I do think that if you bring something, it's borderline rude to take it back home with you. I've totally done it but only with people I know won't be upset.

Only when people ask/tell me to take home the remainder of what we brought would I do that. (Like, they're on a diet/gluten intolerant/hate beer/whatever.)

As for leftovers, our family has an unspoken rule of If You Want Leftovers You're Welcome To Them, But Load Up Your Plate/Tupperware Your Own Damn Selves.

My dad, when he goes to my uncle's for Thanksgiving, takes his own tupperware with him. Sometimes 6 or 7 containers. (My aunt makes a 20-pound bird no matter how few people are attending, so some years my dad goes home with practically half a turkey.)

And now I want turkey. First nog, now turkey. I am SO impressionable.

I think it's rude to take home what you bring unless you're asked to take it home with you.

I agree, but I also think the host should offer leftovers to guests, especially if they've brought stuff. Either way I think it's the host's call, mainly because:

I've thought of bringing a dish as a stand-in for a hostess gift

of this. I think it's a nice thing to offer your guests (at my mom's annual latke party, there are always WAY too many desserts and she ends up practically bribing people to take home cookies), but not something one should automatically feel entitled too. Once you bring food into someone's home, it's their food.

If I want some of whatever I am making to bring to someone's house, I will make extra and leave some at home. Although I do like it if I am offered leftovers of what other people brought or what the host made.

I need help. My twin sister has been trying to have a baby for over two years now. She's miscarried once and she thinks it's happening again. She takes a pregnancy test as soon as she misses her period. She got a faint positive this week. She went to her doctor who checked her HCG levels--they indicated she must just be days pregnant. So she's set to go back tomorrow to get her blood drawn and her hormone levels checked again. But she started spotting yesterday and is FRANTIC.

She calls me crying and I cannot console her. She reminds me that I don't have this problem--I'm not 39 and haven't miscarried. Then we hang up and I call to check on her a few hours later. She's calmer and seems ok. Then she calls me an hour later and she's spotting again.

I don't know what to say to her. I listen and try to be encouraging and positive but if she's going to call me every time she goes to the bathroom, I'm going to lose it.

I feel like a giant asshole but she's making herself CRAZY. It's so hard for them to conceive and she knows she can but she's convinced because of her miscarriage that she cannot carry a child.

Cashmere, that is such a difficult situation for you to be in. Isn't spotting in early pregnancy not uncommon and not always a sign of miscarriage? I've never been pregnant, so I could be totally wrong.