It's that time again! You know the time. Skip if you've reached your eye-rolling quota for the day already.

SCENE ONE

I finally called home for the first time since The News broke a few days ago; my dad called and my mom texted me to tell me my sister had gotten her wisdom teeth out (which I knew from Facebook already), so that was my excuse. The main topic of conversation, however, was the trip to India. My mom had logged into my Delta account and seen how many frequent flier miles I had, saying it was almost enough for a free ticket to India. A) No, not even close. B) THAT MAKES ME TWITCHY AND I AM CHANGING MY PIN ASAP.

She kept asking me to check with my work to get time off for December, and I told her that we had important documents to file by the end of the year, so I couldn't go, but she didn't think I could possibly be important enough that I couldn't leave for a couple weeks. "You don't want to go to India with me?" she said in an exaggeratedly sad wah-wah voice. I said nothing.

The only reference to Recent Events was this priceless line: "I'm already disappointed in one son; I don't want to be disappointed in the other."

To which my response was: "You've been disappointed in me my entire life. I don't think this is anything new."

"I'm not disappointed in you," she said. "I'm just upset that you don't speak to me nicely."

I guess at some point I will have to come straight out and say that no, I have no desire to go to India with them, period, since they aren't buying the work excuse.

SCENE TWO

My brother got The Talk, Take Two, this time with my mom yelling at him and my dad piping up in the background. My brother is far more adept at talking to my parents than I am. Here are some choice exchanges, paraphrased.

"So you're upset that I'm not racist?"
"Yes, I'm upset that you're not racist."

"So you're upset that I'm happy?"
"Yes, I'm upset that you're happy. We told you she has to be Indian."

"What nationality is she?"
"She's half-white, half-Spanish."
[A deathly pause, which my brother interprets correctly.]
"Not MEXICAN. SPANISH. That's EUROPEAN."

They asked what her parents did (mom's a teacher, dad's a project manager at an electric company) and didn't make any comments. My brother said she had no intention of damaging their relationship, and he could hear my dad in the background exclaim, "That's what she's doing, she's damaging our relationship!" But, in true Buffista form, my brother understands that no, they're the ones damaging the relationship.

My mom did her usual thing of crying about how she was a bad mother and she didn't know where she went wrong that her children would do such things, and my brother said that he was not a bad son and he was a good person. She asked why he did this when he knew they didn't like it. He said he hadn't done anything wrong. Aha, she said, then why did he act like he'd gotten caught when she visited the apartment!

Then she wanted him to get her a spare key to his apartment. So she could bring him food. REALLY? said my brother. "And for...the other thing." Because she's a Thing now. My brother said he couldn't do that. My mom said they were paying for the apartment. He said he couldn't give her a key; he knew how she was.

My brother is taking it all fairly well, honestly, way better than I would. He's pretty much letting it all slide off because he knows they don't have a leg to stand on. He forgot to mention that his girlfriend's family welcomed him with open arms, and his race was never brought up, never an issue. They only cared how he treated her. He's looking forward to using that one next time.

According to my sister, my dad was even crying a little. The only time I remember seeing him cry was when his mom died.

SCENE THREE

My mom called this morning and left a voicemail. She just called to say, "I love you."

I guess at some point I will have to come straight out and say that no, I have no desire to go to India with them, period, since they aren't buying the work excuse.

No, no, you want to keep the work excuse. Plausible deniability is your friend. Just stick to that because that's a door that doesn't have to open. "I'm sorry my work schedule doesn't allow me to travel then." That's all you need to say. Repeatedly. Or just refer back to it, "As I just explained to you, my work schedule does not allow me to travel then."

That's all.

(Gavin de Becker) "No is a complete sentence."(/GdB)

P-C, wow! Just makes me wonder how my father would react if I got serious with a non-white gal. I think he'd have a heart attack if he knew I was seeing a black gal in grad school, and a Taiwanese gal a long while back. Alas, I don't tell my family about gf (the rare times I have one) since they don't last, and when I do tell, they think it's marriage time, which freaks the girl out (and me, quite frankly).

Forgot to say, Tommyrot, can I post this in my facebook?

"You know, Bin Laden wants there to be a religious war between Islam and the West. You're playing right into his hands!"

It is true genius, and right on the money!

THAT MAKES ME TWITCHY AND I AM CHANGING MY PIN ASAP.

Oh hell yeah.

"I'm not disappointed in you," she said. "I'm just upset that you don't speak to me nicely."

Ahahahahahaha!!!!! I'm SO not laughing at *you*, P-C; I'm just in awe of how oblivious she is to her own behavior.

Then she wanted him to get her a spare key to his apartment. So she could bring him food. REALLY? said my brother. "And for...the other thing." Because she's a Thing now. My brother said he couldn't do that. My mom said they were paying for the apartment. He said he couldn't give her a key; he knew how she was.

Dude, he needs to get the locks changed, and I am not even kidding. If they pay for the apartment, I can easily imagine them talking the landlord into giving them a spare key.

t edit Although if he gets the locks changed, the landlord will need to know anyway, in order to have a key for repairs and stuff, so my plan is not as good as it seemed at first. Hrm.

my brother said that he was not a bad son and he was a good person. She asked why he did this when he knew they didn't like it. He said he hadn't done anything wrong.

Well done, brother of P-C!

Oh, I forgot to mention what I came in here to say. Since I've learned of the product watching Discovery Channel covering the war, I've always been amazed of QuikClot product. It used to be a powder you sprinkle into the wound to stop the bleeding . Don't know when they updated, but now they have a gauze version of the product. [link] I think it's the coolest thing! I want to get some, just in case. But hesitant. Because the need is very very low. And I wonder if there is an expiration date.

Your brother is doing a good job, P-C. and I don't see a lot of need for you to answer the phone.

Next week is Clean All The Things week. I took a week off to clean the house. DH might take some time off, Or get some and he wants to go away , but I need most of the week to get things taken care of. This week is get ready for clean all the things week

o_a, feel free to quote that....

I meant to come here and bitch about my dad. P-C's family stories shamed my intention.

However, I might be a little bit envy in people who are actually arguing. With me and my dad (because we're too similar in how we think and do things but not in the content of those things) it's few sentences, then one of us storms off, then the other one, after chilling down, starting to get all nice to the other one without actually discussing where that niceness came from and the reason of the argument.

He's now being nice to me. Over a thing which we pretty much fighting for the past few months. Because we'll never, ever, have more than a 15 minutes of shouting at each other or actually discuss.

Once more with "getting a job and getting the hell out of here" vibe. Because I'm not gonna change him. And I don't think we'll ever agree on this.

Seems like I did bitch, in the end. Huh. And P-C? You have one amazing brother. Give him a hug for me.