esp. Mormons

Ding. Here in Utah, nice old ladies on the bus would lean towards me, smile, and say, "How many children do you have, dear?" When I smiled cheerfully and said, "I don't have any," a look of disturbed confusion would come over her, and she'd start leaning back. If these folks were Catholic, I'd probably be getting the sign of the cross, or Holy Water.

I've never been great with culturally-mandated life choices.

(Which is why I try not to get too talky about P-C's parents, also.)

Yeah, I do exactly the same thing re: P-C's parents, for exactly the same reason.

t random thinky stuff

There are a few instances in which I don't mind people asking me if we'll have more children, and more often it has to do with who is asking, why they are asking, and what the context is.

Like my dad, when I got the all-clear on my thyroid said, "Um, maybe do you think there might be more grandbabies coming, maybe?" All very shy and wanting to say, "Hey - I like your kid and I would like to hang out with more of your kids. I enjoy being a grandfather and would like to do that more often!" and I know that if I said, "No - we're done. Em's enough." he'd say something like "I understand - they're hard to pay for." or something equally understanding and supportive, but not justifying.

I ALWAYS thought I'd have kids but I am a DES daughter and that messed up my reproductive system so it would not have been possible--although I only got confirmation of that after my hysterectomy a few years ago. I went through some real pain about it in my late 30s, but came to terms with it. The DH has never wanted children and he once apologized to me for that, and I said "Hey a guy who never wanted kids and a chick who can't have any...a match made in heaven". And I really have a great life--zooming off on motorcycle trips whenever we want to, for instance. And I have kinds in my life--just not my own.

Rick, congratulations, and also good luck working out balancing sleep with everything else.

I am a DES daughter

I thought I was for the longest time, but never really worried about it because I never really wanted kids. Thankfully I asked my dad maybe a year before he died, and he swore up and down I wasn't.

Smartphones should have an app that's like geocaching or whatever that's called, where you point it at a location and it tells you all about it, only for people. Point it at me, and your phone would tell you "Does not want kids. Does not believe in higher powers. Pro-abortion-rights, anti-idiocy. Has sick, sarcastic sense of humor. Handle with care - kid gloves not necessary, pigskin leather gloves advisable." Would save me a lot of time.

Maybe that should be the OKCupid profile I've been trying to write.

I said "Hey a guy who never wanted kids and a chick who can't have any...a match made in heaven"

Scrappy, I didn't realize I was you, but apparently I am. I don't know for sure that I can't have kids, just that it didn't work so well the three years I tried in my first marriage (which, in retrospect, was a blessing in disguise), but my PCOS makes it unlikely without extraordinary measures that I know we won't take. I haven't completely written it off, but... And yeah, ND has never wanted kids, which further complicates things. I go back and forth between being happy about how much freedom it gives me to have my own life and being sad. I won't even try to predict what will happen, though. The past decade has taught me the futility of thinking I have a clue about my future.

yay for you , rick! happy hearding!

If someone would have told me I was going to be a children's librarian 4 years ago I would ahve laughted. It was so not my thing. Now I have to go buy eggs and ham for green eggs and ham day

I go back and forth between being happy about how much freedom it gives me to have my own life and being sad.

This is where I am, really. I'm glad I don't have kids now, because I wouldn't have been able to live the life I have if I'd had them already. And while I'm not happy about the long term singleness, and I haven't been happy about my life during my deep depression, I am on the whole VERY happy with the life I have. The trip to Italy really helped me remember that, and remembering that pulled me out of the mire I was in.