I keep waiting for my real life to start. What I've got is totally not what I dreamed of, or worked for the first 25 years of my life.

working on it, Milady.

It's not stuff that is your responsibility, Daniel. It's this body that I hate being stuck in, and between the excess fat and inability to complete my degree, no one will hire me for a job that pays more than $20,000 a year. I was supposed to be able to travel, and own cars less than a decade old, and be able to buy pretty clothes in, like, stores and stuff. None of this is anything that you can fix.

I don't try to predict anymore, i just make 50 billion contingency plans. The best thing about having so many plans, I expect to throw them all out. So I go with the flow better, Unless i was going to do laundry

• sits on the lonely hearts bench*

My lovelife has been pathetic my entire life. When I was in junior high and high school, I consoled myself with the idea that in college people would be more mature and wouldn't be freaked out as much by me, but I was wrong. I'm 44 and I've had 2 short LTRs in my entire life.

I agree with giving hope. I think we really don't know what change could be just around the corner.

But I also feel like I can't spend my life feeling miserable or sorry for myself. I've done a lot of that already and it's a waste of the precious time we have on earth. So while I occasionally still get very low about being without a partner, I try to focus on all the interesting things there are in the world and all the things I would want to do before I die. I try to look outward more because I've been looking inward for a long time and missing life's parade.

The "best years of my life" as far as my body is concerned were my late teens and twenties before I became disabled and while my memory was like a steel trap. However, the best years of my life as far as my emotions and the rest are concerned are now and later. I get better at handling life with each passing year. Better at appreciating it.

To bring myself out of my downward spiral, I went to the source of all internet goodness, the LOLcats: [link] Not exactly work safe, and also... just a warning, I had to clean off my monitor, so please don't click on this with something in your mouth.

Oodles of let it be nothing-ma, Raq.

Fingers crossed, too.

Yes. Much nothing~ma to Raq!

And he asked, "What is this about a dog and a cat?" And my brother said that there is a dog and a cat there sometimes, and he said, "That is not going to work."

What, Indians aren't allowed to have pets, now?!?! WTF?

I am so on that lonely hearts bench. I feel like I'm looking for such a small subset of the population, and the people I'm looking for are either not into me or already taken...I've never dated anyone longer than six months, man. And I've only made six months a couple times. Real encouraging. :(

I apologize, Polter-Cow, but scenes from the first season of The Guild keep popping into my head. "He better still be a virgin!" "But your babies will be so ugly!"