I'm not going to turn down love later in life. But it seems any mention of being unhappy at not having love in my life yet has always (not just here) been met with, "Well you might find the love of your life when you're ninety!" As if no one is ever allowed to be unhappy with the single life. Or that, if you're single and unhappy about it, you're not allowed to be choosy.

I'm sorry to be defensive about this, but I am.

I've had four LTRs already. Three ended miserably, one ended terribly. Not to mention several brief affairs. My track record of picking partners who are bad for me is stellar. I'm still open to possibilities, but I'm wary and doubtful.

Or that, if you're single and unhappy about it, you're not allowed to be choosy.

Now this, I don't think is the case at all!

I think that folks are just saying that the window closing might not be as near as you might fear. Not that it doesn't suck to be alone when you want to be in a loving relationship.

I'm sorry about how much this sucks, Sean. (and Zen)

The one and only LTR in my life can't really be counted as a full relationship since it very quickly turned into a caregiver/patient relationship. As much as I loved S, it's very hard to be resentful at her for stealing the best years of my life.

Not trying to tell you not to be unhappy, Sean, feel how you feel! But when you say the window is closed, well, no, it's not. That's all.

P-C, I totally thought that your mom was going to open the closet door and discover the girlfriend.

I did, too!

I do, however, feel for your bro. He's lucky to have a bro like you to have his back.

(Also, I got your e-mail the other day, and THANKS. I just have been too fried to answer e-mails.)

And frankly, it's been very very difficult to not feel like my window of finding any kind of long term relationship has closed as well.

Sean, I feel like this sometimes as well. I hope we are both wrong.

Okay, I hope this doesn't come off as weird as it might seem, but I have a Word doc on my computer with a quote from Scrappy from a post that apparently was in 2005 (according to the date on the file). I copied it and saved it because I really needed to hear it. So here is the quote, from my really-not-creepy-file-of-stuff-Buffistas-say:

I was so there with the fears of never meeting anyone. After my marriage broke up. I was very alone for years--from 31 to 36. I KNEW I was going to die alone in my studio apartment and be eaten by my 87 cats. I was completely invisible to men. Then all of a sudden, for no damn reason I can see, I wasn't.

The only good thing I learned from this is that it doesn't matter how certain you are you'll be alone, or have 87 cats, or whatever. Your idea of your future is just a story you scare yourself with, and it has nothing to do with what amazing, interesting, and surprising things which will actually happen to you.

There's a reason we talk about making shirts with "What Scrappy Said" on them.

I get that.

It's why you guys are awesome. Because of my knee-jerk defensiveness on the issue, it's easy to lurch past the "Window Not Closed" message into my own personal neuroses.

There's a reason we talk about making shirts with "What Scrappy Said" on them.

Yes. Yes there is. I think I might have to paste that into a word doc now too.

Sean, being single when you don't want to be? SUCKS WANG. And people who tell you it's a good time to take up pottery, or learn Sanskrit, or form a religion (since you have all that free time)? FULL OF CRAP.

Some people love being single, or at the very least don't mind it. And that's cool for them. Some people have periods of loving it and hating it. Whatever you feel, you feel. So hating this shit is totally legitimate. I feel you on that.

Yes. Yes there is. I think I might have to paste that into a word doc now too.

Join me in my not-at-all-creepy-annotated-recording-of-shit-Buffistas-said!!!

(See, if I'm not the only one who does it, then it's just good record-keeping.)

(IT IS SO.)

t edit Damn, my post number is a kick-ass palindrome!