Tep, when I commented about that, you know that I was thinking they were thinking that, more than what I was thinking, right? Because I think she might as well have been your MIL. Or something.(I have "or somethings," too...what would I call my stepdad's niece? Not that he is my stepdad, anymore, but she is as much like my cousin as my cousins...modern life can be so complicated!) I saw something on an Obama documentary that made my ovaries hurt...a nine-year-old working the phones while making "my" "Why are people so *stupid*?" face. Killed me.

Tep, when I commented about that, you know that I was thinking they were thinking that, more than what I was thinking, right?

Totally! The only insensitive comment in that regard was from my co-worker. Definitely not you.

I think they're too Christian to think that his mother's death "counts" as a grief-y thing for me, since after all we aren't married

Blink. Stare. Blink again.

You know, I never talk down people's humanity, nevermind how backwards or wrong they are. Not the people who tripwired me, not random assholes on the street. Deep down, I try to remember all are humans. Surely there's a way to justify their beliefs (and not just because I study anthropology).

And then, with this kind of people, I try to imagine there's another kind of people, with the soul and a depth and the taste of a carton board for their humanity.

Justifying pain of others is one thing. Ignoring it to the point where you think it doesn't exist (and so, they're less human than Holy Thou) is another.

I think I kinda hate your co-workers.

I'd say that, only without the kinda.

Dude, I felt sad when Phil Hartman died and I didn't even know him.(Nor did I require a condolence either, of course.) David Mills, just cause I watched what he made on my "Tv machine.) Feelings aren't like census data. I might want a card if Olbermann ends up like Tim Russert, but that is an emotional problem of a completely different color.

Teppy that is ridiculous, you and The Boy are in a committed relationship regardless of some official piece of paper.

I can't find the word to express my feelings about Teppy's coworkers but it is not at all nice.

I could, but it's probably a David Milch one...I'll save it.

a committed relationship regardless of some official piece of paper.

Oh, but it's not "legal" or "moral" or "righteous" or or or . . . So all the people who are "legal", "moral", and "righteous" have no reason to treat it as legitimate. Because "right" is how they define it.

Holy bollocks, Steph, your coworkers' stupidity and lack of decency and compassion is just enraging. Of *course* this loss is huge for you. (1) You have known and cared about Tim's mother for years; she was a part of the life you and Tim share. (2) You are also grieving for Tim's loss, because you love him and care for him. None of that would be any different if you were married. I really don't see what is so hard to understand about all this!

And you can call her your "MIL" for mother-in-love.

Oh, that's lovely. More flippantly, I'm also fond of "the sin-laws" and "the out-laws," both of which are used by my unmarried, long-partnered friends to refer to their partner's family. But really, in all the ways that count, ESPECIALLY right now, she was your mother-in-law, and your coworkers' inability to recognize that is just staggering.