My mom said, "I don't care that you aren't married; she was your mother-in-law." Mom's actually the first one to say that, and it made me feel better, acknowledging the enormity of this loss.

Your mom is right. And you can call her your "MIL" for mother-in-love.

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with stupidity on top of grief.

nods emphatically

I think I kinda hate your co-workers.

Mom's actually the first one to say that, and it made me feel better, acknowledging the enormity of this loss.

oh, I'm so sorry that I didn't actually say that. Honestly, that's the way I've been thinking of what you're going through. I know that I'm not the only one who knows how huge that this has been for you.

must be hard for me to be "on the outside" during all this.

"Oh no, I was in the living room. Why would I be outside?"

I didn't say anything, just made Downcast Face. Because *I* know that Tim's mom treated me like family, even though she really would have preferred we were married. She kept her moral belief separate from how she treated me, always, and she treated me very well.

And you can call her your "MIL" for mother-in-love.

Awwwww. Now I'm all teary at work. That's perfect.

I think they're too Christian

I think they're too "Christian"

There. Fixed that for ya.

And if you and Tim don't count as each other's family, I don't know many couples that would pass the test.

Tep, when I commented about that, you know that I was thinking they were thinking that, more than what I was thinking, right? Because I think she might as well have been your MIL. Or something.(I have "or somethings," too...what would I call my stepdad's niece? Not that he is my stepdad, anymore, but she is as much like my cousin as my cousins...modern life can be so complicated!) I saw something on an Obama documentary that made my ovaries hurt...a nine-year-old working the phones while making "my" "Why are people so *stupid*?" face. Killed me.

Tep, when I commented about that, you know that I was thinking they were thinking that, more than what I was thinking, right?

Totally! The only insensitive comment in that regard was from my co-worker. Definitely not you.

I think they're too Christian to think that his mother's death "counts" as a grief-y thing for me, since after all we aren't married

Blink. Stare. Blink again.

You know, I never talk down people's humanity, nevermind how backwards or wrong they are. Not the people who tripwired me, not random assholes on the street. Deep down, I try to remember all are humans. Surely there's a way to justify their beliefs (and not just because I study anthropology).

And then, with this kind of people, I try to imagine there's another kind of people, with the soul and a depth and the taste of a carton board for their humanity.

Justifying pain of others is one thing. Ignoring it to the point where you think it doesn't exist (and so, they're less human than Holy Thou) is another.

I think I kinda hate your co-workers.

I'd say that, only without the kinda.