Thanks, Hec. Normally I line the floor with pillows, but I didn't this time.

Go Hil.

And P-C I guarantee traveling with your parents and your Mother in particular will be traumatic. It is a chance to emotionally abuse you without your being able to hang up! No.

If this is a wedding you don't want to miss, you make enough money to buy your own plane ticket, rent a hotel room. Make an arrangement that it is practical for you to walk away if the abuse starts. Alternatively if this wedding is not that important to you skip it. You have just barely broken away from a cycle of abuse, and traveling with one of your abusers is not going to be a vacation for you. I know you don't like to think of your Mom that way. You love her and she loves you. But what she did to you and still tries to do to you is emotional abuse. And she is 100% convinced that she right and you are wrong, which means that there is no way she won't take advantage of any opening you give her. Firstly, since she thinks she is right she won't want to avoid taking advantage of it. And secondly she is not at a stage in dealing with you where she could skip the abuse if she tried.

Being constantly tormented, even surrounded by many people you love and in a region you love is not a vacation. And it is not like anyone will support you to your Mother's face. And plenty will support her to your face.

I'm one of those guys for whom tact is something you use to nail down carpets. Was this too tactless a way to put it?

I may have to come up with an Important Work Project That I Just Cannot Get Out Of.

P-C, listen to Typo Boy. Typo Boy is wise. Go if you please, but please do not go if you will end up being a captive audience for the craxy. We love you. It would break our hearts for you to be broken the way you might if you get trapped. Also, if you have to spend the whole trip harshly defending your boundaries, you might not like yourself after.

Typo Boy is wise, if tactless (I kid). (As the wise Cordelia Chase once said, "Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.")

And it is not like anyone will support you to your Mother's face. And plenty will support her to your face.

I am going to take a wild guess that you will be surrounded by a chorus of (mainly) women all echoing your mother and chastising you for being a bad son. Take a deep breath and consider carefully whether that is something you can endure, let alone enjoy, at this stage. If ever!

Also I offer this thought - just because it's "tradition" and "part of the culture" does not mean it isn't abuse.

... do they do surprise weddings in India?

P-C, wouldn't this be the "find him a bride in India" trip?

No, we're going for a cousin's wedding.

To be frank, I don't see how these are mutually exclusive things.

To be blunt, you are out of your everloving mind if you don't think your mom is going to spend every minute of this thing a) trying to get you married; b)moaning that you aren't married; c) implying that you are horrible and killing her by not being married; and d) actively stating that you are horrible and killing her by not being married.

If you REALLY want to go to your cousin's wedding (I always do, my perpetually un/under-employed self has a credit card that is pretty much dedicated to this once or twice a year occurance) you buy the tickets and book the room and hang out with your family and ditch them sometimes too. She'll bitch and she'll even look right when she does what with you being an independent person and not hanging on her every moan. If you really want to go to your cousins wedding do it as a grown up who makes a nice living and pays his own way and know you'll piss her off. If you really want to go though, go.

For Aims. And Dana. And others.

If you really want to go though, go.

Oh, but I don't really want to go.

Going to India sounds awesome as a general concept.

It does! That's why Imma do it in November! Wanna come with us P-C?

I have no practical advice about how to deal with an impending trip. I have not gone anywhere with either one of my parents since I was 16 or so.