Shir, even if he doesn't hop out right then, maybe it would be good to have coffee with him and an openly gay friend, so he can see you are a safe person.

FTR, this queer Buffista took it how you meant it.

You know, I first kissed a girl twelve years ago and I still have a moment of trepidation when I tell anyone.

Had a lovely day w/ KBD today - comic book store (trades for $5!), Tex-mex for lunch, then a home decor store, then he helped me get Xmas decorations out of the attic, and then we snuggled on the couch while watching Lord of the Rings. And he's coming to Chanukkah at my parents next weekend. Continued yay.

And now that I've posted, I must get to bed. Night, Bitches!

Jilli doesn't need a sippy cup, does she? [link]

Barb! Good luck and hugs!

How bad would it be to arrange a coffee gathering with closeted friend, and friend you want to connect him with? And then, if chemistry seems to be happening, take an emergency "call" that you have to leave them alone.

If chance will arise, I'd do so. But right now the two guys are in two different cities, with a very busy life, so I need to wait for a chance for one of them to come to Jerusalem/Tel Aviv.

But, my issue with that is that will all of my impatience, I'd hate to push someone to do something he feel uncomfortable doing. We're talking about someone that I can read on his face when something's bothering him, and I usually ask him flat out, "well, what?". He learned to stop asking "what what?", and realize I read him easily and refuse to have a conversation about other earthly matters while my friend's head in the clouds/battling with something. Sometimes he says "not now", I reply "OK" and moving on talking on other earthly matters. I hope that's enough of a safe place, for the time being.

I've been hoping for an opportunity to ask this in the right conversation/company - but is there a comfortable fall-back phrase to respond with, when either someone comes out, or perhaps is introduced to one as gay, that essentially means "I don't care, but it's a friendly, unconditional positive regard kind of not caring"? I know how to talk to people I am already close to about tough subjects. In such a case I would say something like, "I'm so glad you felt comfortable telling me," or maybe I would ask if it had been hard to tell me. But I'm looking for something more intelligent to say than "Oh, cool" or "okay".

THAT. I couldn't care less if someone's gay, lesbian or a-sexual. If they're my friends, I really care if they're happy or not. Generally, I care more about your opinion about coriander than sexual orientation.

Shir, even if he doesn't hop out right then, maybe it would be good to have coffee with him and an openly gay friend, so he can see you are a safe person.

When that can't be arranged, I've always been partial to delightful stories about gay friend (a particular one, actually. he has lots of great stories around him). This has served the dual purpose of "I'm a safer person" and "This really is pretty normal."

Actually, Duffy's Adventures often continue through early stages of coming out. Various tales of him and his very large very Roman Catholic family freaking (and not freaking) at his various escapades (like some finding out he was gay from the front page photo of a newspaper)can be great fun.

So, when telling stories of my friends, should I state if they're gay or not? I'm confused. They're all "not normal", God dammit, and that's why we click so well.

is there a comfortable fall-back phrase to respond with, when either someone comes out, or perhaps is introduced to one as gay, that essentially means "I don't care, but it's a friendly, unconditional positive regard kind of not caring"?

Oh hell, I don't know. I don't think there's a good phrase to respond with. Any more than there's a right way to respond when people work out I'm disabled, when I'm just busy hoping they won't ask me for the details of my medical history. Gay is the same - as long as I don't get asked 'Bisexual? Do you have lots of threesomes then?' I'm quite happy. Ask nice things about the person's partner, if they have one. Otherwise, personally I'm happy if people 'clock' it but don't make a fuss.

when telling stories of my friends, should I state if they're gay or not?

If they're happy with you saying so to other people, then it won't upset them - but for me, it's really not something I think about much or an important thing. It was when I first came out, when I was out on the 'scene' and in Christian LGBT groups a lot. Now, most of my time is focused on enjoying my life with my Girl, who just happens to be, well, a girl.

Wake Up With The Animated Death-Star Tales of Eddie Izzard! [link]

Today: going South of the River so my broken wheelchair can be fixed, then an echocardiogram, then much writing. I have to submit a journal article soon. Abstracts galore.

I think that "I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me" works pretty well regardless of the situation.

Good luck to you Barb! I'm hoping to get back to Seattle in 2010 and now I've got yet another incentive to make it happen!

Why yes, I did drink caffeinated tea last night, why do you ask? t squints at clock

My roommate's light is still on at 4:30 am. I guess she fell asleep with it on? Paranoia kicks in easily at this time if the morning.

Good luck with your writing, Seska.

Ok, roommate is alive. Unless she's zombified, but she hasn't come for my brains yet, so that's a good sign.

I'm going to try to get back to sleep but if it doesn't work I guess I'll get up and write holiday cards.

I'm up, too, smonster! But I'm trying to write a column before the kids wake up at 7.

G'luck, Cash!