is there a comfortable fall-back phrase to respond with, when either someone comes out, or perhaps is introduced to one as gay, that essentially means "I don't care, but it's a friendly, unconditional positive regard kind of not caring"?

Oh hell, I don't know. I don't think there's a good phrase to respond with. Any more than there's a right way to respond when people work out I'm disabled, when I'm just busy hoping they won't ask me for the details of my medical history. Gay is the same - as long as I don't get asked 'Bisexual? Do you have lots of threesomes then?' I'm quite happy. Ask nice things about the person's partner, if they have one. Otherwise, personally I'm happy if people 'clock' it but don't make a fuss.

when telling stories of my friends, should I state if they're gay or not?

If they're happy with you saying so to other people, then it won't upset them - but for me, it's really not something I think about much or an important thing. It was when I first came out, when I was out on the 'scene' and in Christian LGBT groups a lot. Now, most of my time is focused on enjoying my life with my Girl, who just happens to be, well, a girl.

Wake Up With The Animated Death-Star Tales of Eddie Izzard! [link]

Today: going South of the River so my broken wheelchair can be fixed, then an echocardiogram, then much writing. I have to submit a journal article soon. Abstracts galore.

I think that "I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me" works pretty well regardless of the situation.

Good luck to you Barb! I'm hoping to get back to Seattle in 2010 and now I've got yet another incentive to make it happen!

Why yes, I did drink caffeinated tea last night, why do you ask? t squints at clock

My roommate's light is still on at 4:30 am. I guess she fell asleep with it on? Paranoia kicks in easily at this time if the morning.

Good luck with your writing, Seska.

Ok, roommate is alive. Unless she's zombified, but she hasn't come for my brains yet, so that's a good sign.

I'm going to try to get back to sleep but if it doesn't work I guess I'll get up and write holiday cards.

I'm up, too, smonster! But I'm trying to write a column before the kids wake up at 7.

G'luck, Cash!

A teacher just thanked me for actually reading the material for class.

... something is very wrong with that.

when telling stories of my friends, should I state if they're gay or not?

Well -- speaking only for me, and bear in mind that I'm not gay -- it might seem unnecessary to say something like, "I went to the grocery store with my gay friend Trevor yesterday," because the fact that he's gay really doesn't play into the story. It would be just as weird if you said you went somewhere with your black friend Barack or your fat friend Steph, etc.

But if you happen to have a story about a gay friend and his/her partner, you can tell the story in such a way that it's clear you're talking about a gay couple -- without overemphasizing it, like "My friends -- you know, the GAY COUPLE, which I am SO COOL WITH -- went to the zoo!"

Because overemphasizing it would, again, be obvious and kind of awkward, IMO. But if you just talk about your friends in the same way you'd talk about anyone else -- "My friend Trevor and his partner Steve just got back from vacation, and they lost their house keys somewhere in Spain and couldn't get back in their house for 3 days!" -- that would seem normal and fairly chill.

Again, all of the above is just my own opinion, so balance it against what other people suggest.

Today: going South of the River so my broken wheelchair can be fixed, then an echocardiogram, then much writing.

I like echocardiograms. I just think it's fun to get to see what's going on inside me. Well, except that my doctor always feels the need to start off by looking at my aorta and telling me that I don't have Marfan's. Um, 4'10" and fairly round-shaped here. I kinda knew that.

My cooking urge from yesterday did not last the night. I was planning to make some tofu scramble for breakfast, but instead I'm just having a slice of the bread I made yesterday, with margarine.

Even though I am a good liberal, I have to say there was a lot I didn't grok about the "coming-out thing" (including how sexy I myself find women to be, but that's another post) until I first came online and made a firm determination that, by god, there was going to be one place in the world NOT about my disability and people's reactions and I was gonna pass online. And for a while, it worked great. You can talk about Scorcese for a long time without getting personal, for instance.I sort of thought "the gheys" were just looking to do the Just Jack thing and talk about sex all the time, but gradually Table Talkers talked about their co-workers and I didn't have anything to say. Or someone would say "Must be nice to work in a place and post all day." And I didn't want to lie. It was never the sort of thing I thought it would be. And then it was like a light came on. Because that was sort of like the Pronoun Game. If someone's daughter hadn't been born disabled at about the same time, I might have done that for ages, although looking back, the person that recommended it is sort of my coldest friend, not really the type to have and share a lot of personal shit in the first place...I should probably never take her interpersonal advice.