P-C, I have a lot of respect for how you are choosing to deal with this horrible situation. You have chosen to be a good, honest man instead of a manipulative boy.

I would not respond to your sister's letter. except for maybe "Sorry you feel that way". Anything else is just going to add fuel to the fire or be mean. Pointless.

Yay Hil. You will find a good place.

extra strength sj.

I would not respond to your sister's letter.

I agree with Beth and what everyone else has said about the pressures you sister is under that would precipitate this particular missive. There is no quenching that fire, so I'd advocate for silence being your friend.

Yeah, I'm not going to respond. I don't want to damage that relationship any further. I already feel betrayed and like I can't talk to her about this stuff anymore.

When I read your sister's letter, my first thought was "Stockholm syndrome," but only in the broadest sense.

Actually, that's not true, my first thought was for the syndrome, but I couldn't remember the city, and I attached Helsinki Syndrome.

After much more sleep and some Googling, I think I may have watched Die Hard too many times.

I don't want to damage that relationship any further.

While I can totally see why you said this, I can't stress enough how much you are not damaging your relationships by being an adult. If being yourself is 'damaging' that's some powerful, and sad, information about the choices others are making.

The heartbreaking thing about your sister's form of Stockholm Syndrome, is that she can fool herself into thinking that she is just oozing with filial piety, and think she's got the moral high ground. But the best thing you can do for her, is to continue defending your (entirely reasonable) boundaries, and maintain your personal integrity.

P-C, you are a nicer person than I am. If I were you, I'd probably save that e-mail until your sister is in a similar situation and the forward it back to her.

Oh, don't think one hypothetical response wasn't "When you're going through this in four or five years, remember this e-mail. I sure will."

But as my brother said, I can't do that. I'll have her back, even if she doesn't have mine. She doesn't realize I'm trying to help her too right now.

But as my brother said, I can't do that. I'll have her back, even if she doesn't have mine. She doesn't realize I'm trying to help her too right now.

I hope that some day she will see this and appreciate your courage.

P-C, as bonny said, your parents are damaging the relationship by placing unreasonable demands on you. Not the other way around. You have to live your life, not your sister and not your parents (and for that matter, not your aunt). Which means you have to be a person that you can live with. And, just to touch the perennial sore spot in your family relationship, it's a lot harder to be a person you can live with if you're married to (or in a relationship with) someone who isn't right for you.

I like Jars's idea about getting a pet, and using "I can't find a petsitter" as an excuse not to travel when you don't want to. (Never mind that it's surprisingly easy to find a good petsitter when you want to.)

And, sort-of echoing what someone said upthread, associating with your blood relatives is optional. Nobody can force you to if you decide not to. (But, as someone who made that decision, I urge you not to make a snap decision to cut ties. Even if you think it through carefully, there's emotional baggage from that decision.)