Hil, you are a good person with many valuable skills. Your health will improve. Things will get better. I won't tell you not to worry because that is the opposite of helpful. But I will tell you deserve not to worry and don't need to worry.

As a 41-year-old non-married female, I am very grateful that I have no cultural/parental concerns regarding my status.

Oh P-C. I am so proud and happy that you wrote that letter, and I am so sorry about her response. It's just such world's apart from your perspective and your life. It just sucks so much.

I'm not sure why I ever expect a different response. I am clearly insane, per the colloquial definition.

This is, I think, probably the worst response I've ever gotten. I'm rather appalled, honestly. (Also, for fuck's sake, they paid for college, but the only semester I had to pay for grad school, I took out a loan myself and paid it all back myself, and I bought my fucking car with my own fucking money that I earned at my own fucking job.)

((P-C)) I'm sorry your family can't see how wonderful your life is.

And in non happy marriage talk I'm asking the hivemind -- does anyone know of a really really good divorce attorney in South Carolina. Someone who could definitely help a father get sole custody of his child?

Thanks, Gar.

I've got another interview on Wednesday. It's not anywhere near my top choice, but it's a place where I'm pretty sure I would be OK working for a year or two. I'm just getting really sick of interviews by now. Also, not so much coping well with not knowing where I'm going to be living in August. I like to plan ahead and be able to look at all my options. Right now, it's looking like I'll probably end up with about a week to find an apartment, at about the same time that I'm defending my dissertation.

This is, I think, probably the worst response I've ever gotten. I'm rather appalled, honestly. (Also, for fuck's sake, they paid for college, but the only semester I had to pay for grad school, I took out a loan myself and paid it all back myself, and I bought my fucking car with my own fucking money that I earned at my own fucking job.)

They're clearly obsessing over something that simply isn't in your control to do anything about (since you'd like to choose your own mate). I've gotten to know you pretty well and I really think you're going to meet someone all on your own and have a wonderful relationship. I mean, the power of your awesome chili can't be denied.

Two answers for the future, P-C. 1) sorry , not talking about that or 2) unmarried does not equal failure ( when you feel like saying/ hearing more)

Hil, Sorry you are in the place where so little is under your control. The only thing I know of to do in that situation, is to take control of one small thing - like a closet or the kitchen. Not sure if that helps anyone else.

{{{P-C}}}

FWIW, I respect you at lot more for how you are living your life than I respect adults who kowtow to their mothers. I'm sorry that she can't see how respectful of her you've been.

And I'm very sorry that your family doesn't respect you and your wishes for them to leave you alone about this.

I had a thirty-second cry on the drive home. I should've gotten into an accident. That would've shown 'em!

{{P-C}} You have expressed your feelings on the subject and they have done the same. Adults can now agree to disagree. Of course, they don't see you as an adult, but you are so you can close the subject.

It is heartbreaking that they can't see how much you have agonized over this marriage process. I'm sorry.

Marriage stories for those of you who don't know my over married history:

Potential DH #1 was when I tried to elope with Gary when I was 17. We were headed to Alabama where 16 was marrying age and had lined up work and an apartment in New Orleans. They parental units caught us and stopped us. Thank God!

I kinda proposed to DH#1. After living together a year I told him that it wasn't an ultimatum, but that if the relationship wasn't going anywhere I really didn't want to devote any more time to it. He said it was fine with him if I wanted to get married. We grew apart after a dozen years, but we remained friends until he passed away.

DH#2 proposed after 1 week together and I happily agreed. It was right. Hard to say how long it would have lasted since he up and died on me after 3 years.

DH#3 proposed but it was pretty much just something we knew we were doing after living together and being in business together for a while. I did push him along a bit since I suggested to him that we wouldn't be having kids if we didn't do so in a timely fashion.

That's it. I'm never getting married again. I mean it this time. I've pretty much been married for 37 years, just to 3 different guys.