Goddamnit. I hardly ever get to perform anymore. And this weekend there's a huge show in Seattle, that I got asked to perform at. There's performers from all over the country here (I'm hosting a bunch of them), so more than just "Ooh, an audience") it's about "Ooh, an audience of other performers who I respect and want to have see me perform, who haven't seen me perform in forever". And I had this number I had rehearsed a ton, with a friend of mine. Who is so NOT all about drag kinging, but was willing to do this. ...and whose apartment got flooded on Wednesday. And who just called me today to be all "Yeah, I can't do the show Saturday, do you have something you can do on your own?"

No, I really don't. I don't have something that I can throw together last minute on my own (especially since between now and then, I'll be busy just about every minute with other stuff and not have time for rehearsing) that is going to not look like shit next to everyone else and have them going "um, why are YOU performing next to US? PITY INVITE CAUSE YOU LIVE HERE!"

Goddamnit. I was so proud of this nubmer, and SO fucking excited to finally get to PERFORM with people and have them see me, and now my friend bails all last minute. And I know she's got a lot of shit going on, but I know some other stuff she's managing to do, and I think it's mostly that she really doesn't want to prioritize this, because it's not her thing. And I want to cry, because it IS my thing, and I can't do it without her (and no, I can't get someone else to stand in last minute--there was lots of choreography, and we rehearsed for a solid month)

Have you told her this, meara? She may not realize what a big deal it is. She may think that you've performed other numbers and can just sub in one of them. You should talk to her, see if you can work something out.

{{{{{smonster}}}}} Feel better. I think you're better off going in than letting it go before a long weekend.

Happy Birthday Sean! I hope the day is as beautiful up in your neck of the woods as it is down here in Irvine.

Smonster, lung~ma! We like you breathing.

Meara, dunno what to say or suggest. I hope something works out so you can perform infront of all the cool out of town folk. Can one of them step up and help out?

I'll sit on the bench with NoiseDesign and NOT get any crocs. They just look ugly, and I'm not a shoe person.

Shir, sorry to hear your Mom isn't hearing the clue of solitude. Maybe make a sign for the door that says "Before you knock/disturb me, think of how much money will be wasted when I fail a class, how much stress will be induced if I do not get an A, how much hardship will be created in my academic life. Then ask yourself, is what I want from Shir worth that at the moment, or can it wait until she emerges from her study cave"

ION- outside my work window, an impromptu dance show with talking drum and 4 dancers. Don't get that everyday.

Oh meara. I'm sorry. And feel better~ma to smonster. {{{}}} to both of you.

Now, IOpeopleandwhatswrongwiththemN: there's a certain movement which I can't describe because they have, in fact, threatened people and organizations with law suits in the past if they were to be called right-wingers.

And now they're claiming that the entire Israeli academia is based on post-Zionism research (in their book, every post-Zionism approach is teh evil and the cancer that's about to devour Israel). And they get a hell lot of publicity. And I just finished reading an article in the newspaper about it, that took them and their "study" seriously. Basically, I think they believe that everything will be alright, and it'll also be very nice if These Arabs and Leftists would voluntarily sterilize themselves, because I can't see otherwise how their "ideology of peace" (no shit. This is an exact phrase) will work.

Searching for another way of existence and evolving from the current situation isn't a bad thing. Suggesting that anyone who doesn't think the same way as you is a zombified that needs to be taken care of accordingly (and yes. They've gone literally that far) is another. And after reading this article, I thought seriously, for a minute, to leave Israel. Because there are too many people who prefer to see things as "kill or be killed" here. But I guess it's not better in most other places.

But since I see them on campus every day, I'm getting very frightened. You see, I'm pretty much convinced by now they're after my opinion uterus, that needs to be drafted also to the cause of bringing young Aryan Jewish soldiers to life to defend the Zionist cause. And to think I thought I pushed the line in the last Seder, with the right-winged side of the family, when I actually asked them: "so [you think] we need to stay here [in Israel] with our collective uterus under all circumstances?". You see, they feared that young Israeli Jews might want to leave Israel. Because That Is Wrong.

Conclusion: I need to step away like Sean, who's stepping away from teabeggers. It's just that I'm also really, really worried.

Edit:

Maybe make a sign for the door that says "Before you knock/disturb me, think of how much money will be wasted when I fail a class, how much stress will be induced if I do not get an A, how much hardship will be created in my academic life. Then ask yourself, is what I want from Shir worth that at the moment, or can it wait until she emerges from her study cave"

Ha! Oh man, I wish I could. In fact, with a slight change of wording, I'd wear it as a shirt. You know, like the "no" shirt I'm planning to have for 2 years now, which will sum up the answer to most questions I'm being asked: Shir "Natter 58: Let's call Venezuela!" Apr 23, 2008 9:24:37 am PDT

Maybe I should change the slogan to "No. Don't disturb me, universe; I'm thinking, and I don't want to discuss my process (with you)".

Ok - I'm home from work so I can talk about what happened today.

The Reader's Digest version is this: A co-worker and good friend got a SCATHING annual review. The only positive thing said in the review was that she kept her work area neat and her filing system was good. It was a 7 page review. Most of the items on the review were a total surprise, she wasn't given a copy before hand to respond to and email requests for such were ignored. They put her on a 90 day probationar period with weekly check in meetings, she had to account for every single bit of time she spent working. It really reminded me of when Steph's work ambushed her a couple of years ago - it was that out of the blue and horrible. I tried to pep up co-worker with Steph Happily Ever After, but co-worker was too upset and hurt and didn't feel like she could work for her boss (who is NOT my boss) anymore and so she sent a reply about the review to her boss and the co-directors (who are my bosses). She also attached her resignation which woulod have been effective next week. So, they made her leave today.

How does this affect me? Well, about 18 months ago, I was switched from compliance specialist to admin asst to the directors because I wasn't doing a very good job (I really wasn't. I ended up hating the job.)and my salary was cut by $4500 annualy. Most of my job duties fell under the realm of accounting and so when co-worker came on board, they transferred to her. Can you see where this is going?

They've never, in the 18 months since co-worker started, trained anyone else to do the 2 big, time-consuming compliance things except co-worker. The only one that knows how to do them is me. And no one else in accounting can or will or has the time to do them. So, more than likely, while they try to find someone else, I'm going to be asked to take over some of those things.

The Good: Job security and oh yes, there *will*, by God, be pay raise.

The Bad: I have so much on my plate I could very easily get lost under it all and I could, because I would be so busy, lose my 4 day weeks which have become very near and dear to my heart and beneficial to Emeline's ADD.

I don't know what's going to happen. My boss didn't say anything to me as I left. I imagine it will be addresses on Tuesday.

So yeah. Whack. A. Doo.

Hippo Birdies {{{Sean}}}

Feel better soon {{{smonster}}}

Dance partner~ma {{{meara}}}

best possible outcome~ma {{{Aims}}}

Meara, megasuck.

Aims, that is so stressful. Good luck with it all.

Back from doc. "Just" a cold. They gave me albuterol, which didn't help and made me shaky. I have downed Vit C Naked juice, used a neti pot, squirted myself with Afrin, and eaten sushi. Here's hoping something helps. I think my weekend, already planned to be low key, may turn even lower key.

Thanks for the brackets, all.

smonster, if your chest is tight, maybe you need mucinex to loosen up any nastiness in there.

t /notadoctor

Steph, the weird thing is that there's nothing in there. Apparently it just FEELS tight.