I'd suggest you'd hire actors and make a DIY production of every major historical event, from the murder of Tiberius Gracchus on. And then go and sell it to the ignorants as the Actual Footage of.

For footage of Jesus walking on the water, you could use footage of a Jesus Lizard running on water.

And if someone requests footage of Hamlet sword-fighting, you could give them footage of cats fighting.

(We actually do have a fuckload of reenactment footage - Auntie Beeb loves her historical documentaries, she does.)

Here's a photo (OK, a painting) of Washington crossing the Delaware. Except it's not Washington, but Klingons.

[link]

Oooh! I have a funny to share. One of my best friends took his wife to Mexico for the week for her birthday. He's a very exciteable guy, so even though he was pretty toasted last night, he took an Ambien to get to sleep.

Apparently, he curled up next to his wife and said in a sweet voice, "I love going to bed with you!" She asked him why, expecting to hear something else sweet, and he said, "Because you're always HERE, and you don't smell like poo."

Brackets and med~ma, Sean. The placebo effect is a bitch.

Apparently, he curled up next to his wife and said in a sweet voice, "I love going to bed with you!" She asked him why, expecting to hear something else sweet, and he said, "Because you're always HERE, and you don't smell like poo."

HA!

Ambien is the devil, man. Okay, I barely sleep with it as it is, but I've done some random shit on it. Luckily, apart from a period where I posted high Gibberish, it's pretty much private.

We get a request for footage of the Titanic pulling into New York harbour about once every couple of months. At this point we just automatically send them the clip of the sister ship.

(My favorite, though, has got to be the request we got for footage of Columbus discovering America, with the helpful addendum "It's okay if it's black & white.")

I need to paste this on my fridge every time I wonder how Sarah Palin is popular.

I need to paste this on my fridge every time I wonder how Sarah Palin is popular.

It's frightening, is what it is.

cereal with a side of mea culpa:

uh, smonster, I think I forgot to call you this morning. I remember turning off the alarm at 3am and going downstairs, intending to set the alarm in the kitchen, and then I think I fell asleep on the couch. Sorry about that!

"That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo." You betcha. Even if nobody on Countdown has seen Buffy, they need to see those ones. What it is, is a Palin-bot. Also. Although there'd be no hope of surviving my crush if KO ever said "They made her so she growls!" But, hell, like there is anyway.