My throat hurts and I'm coughing and feel sick. I better not be coming down with something.

I hate everything. I hate the world and everything in it. I hate myself. I hate my life. I swear all my meds are doing at this point is rendering me incapable of sobbing uncontrollably over it.

But I'm too negative all the time, so it's all my own damned fault anyway.

{{{{{Sean}}}}}

sj, depression exacerbation and work drama feeding into each other - the lousier things are at work, the more depressed I am, and the more depressed I am, the less competent I am and the lousier things are at work (with the delightful gift with purchase of increasing depression making me even more stuck and less able to do the necessary new-job-hunting). And it all makes me feel especially wrathful toward people in positions of power who are professionally shitty to their underlings, hence the desire to cockpunch Hil's advisor.

When I finally regain my equilibrium and will to live and general pleasure in existence, I'm going to owe everyone a huge debt of gratitude and apology and I don't even know what. I know it's been a rough, grinding past few months for all the Buffistas, with everything from job woes to shitty advisors to physical ills and family members in the hospital and having a beloved pet trapped in the red zone of a goddamn national revolution, and I'm having a terrible time crawling out of this hole and giving the attention and love and comfort everyone deserves. I read and read and read, and feel for everyone, and then just sink into this frozen "can't say anything, can't write anything, can't do anything" state. It'll get better, eventually; it's just utter crap right now.

eta: {{{{{Sean}}}}} Even as crappy as I feel, I'd take on all of your own crap feeling for you if I could. You're such a ridiculously good person; whatever you're feeling and whatever is going on, I can utterly guarantee you deserve a million, million times better.

{{{{{{{JZ}}}}}}}

{{{{{JZ}}}}} I'm so sorry. I hate that depression cycle. It can feel so difficult to try to break it. If there is anything I can do, let me know.

I really wish the universe would lay off my people.

{{{JZ}}}

{{{Sean}}}

I'm sorry, Sean and JZ.

Hugs for JZ and Sean, you are both wonderful people, don't let your brains tell you otherwise.

Good luck dealing with your insane advisor, Hil. I admire your restraint, I would have lost my temper with him long ago.

{{{Sean}}} {{{JZ}}}