as "it's on the rainbow of sexual accessories, unlike stuffing a 17 inch chainsaw into some holes in the body, which will result in deathbed wounds".

Are you saying that if something is marketed as a sex toy, it's by definition not kinky?

That was my question -- if people do consider what they do "legitimate," then no matter what it is (if it doesn't result in death), it's "not kinky"? Because I know people who do literal crucifixion, and I wish I were joking. (I haven't seen it in person, nor do I intend to. If it's what they dig, then more power to them, but I personally get the screaming meemies even thinking about it. To be fair, I also didn't see that Passion of the Christ movie, either, so I'm consistent in not wanting to see crucifixion played out.)

When I say "legitimate", I mean "it's alright/customary".

I don't think that alright and customary are synonyms. Also, the opposite of legitimate has a much more negative connotation than "not customary" Not legitimate means that there inherently something wrong, not that it is outside the norm, which I think is what you're saying (apologies for putting words in your mouth), but I think that this distinction is important.

What we do exists in a context

Yes. And I hope you read my previous post after the edit. I understand context. But I think a lot of this is in our minds, so I prefer to give the later the benefit of conscious.

And THAT is why other people's meaning is as important as *my* meaning.

I'm sure that on my scale, a lot of what you're doing in your sex life is kinky. I gave the example of my classmates as mostly people I couldn't give less about their opinions of what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. And if they're the consensus, I don't wanna be on it. I want to change the context.

Following Jessica's remark, I certainly hope I didn't offend you in anyway here: I think highly of you. I guess I just don't see things as you do.

When I say "legitimate", I mean "it's alright/customary".

Those are very different things though.

Following Jessica's remark, I certainly hope I didn't offend you in anyway here: I think highly of you. I guess I just don't see things as you do.

I'm definitely not offended! Mostly interested in hashing out meaning and the ongoing "How do YOU see it?" issue. Because I'm, above all else, a geek.

I don't think that alright and customary are synonyms. Also, the opposite of legitimate has a much more negative connotation than "not customary" Not legitimate means that there inherently something wrong, not that it is outside the norm, which I think is what you're saying (apologies for putting words in your mouth), but I think that this distinction is important.

Pretty much. And the use of legitimate here (or, in my case) goes from "it's alright" to "customary". I didn't mean that they're synonyms.

Because I'm, above all else, a geek.

Kinky!

(You see how I use this word?)

(You see how I use this word?)

As "different from the norm"?

As "different from the norm"?

Yes, if you feel the need to handcuff my words. But I wish that people would bear in mind that in most cases, I don't give a fuck about "the norm".

Which comes back to the point that again, the kink is in the mind of the beholder. Most of my friends, if not all of them, are geeks. That, by definition, makes my norm not so normal. Do I distinguish between society's norm and my norm? Yes. But I absolutely do anything in my power to tilt society's norm to my definition of it, handcuffs included.

I don't know enough about what I like to comment on it. Which I don't say to make y'all have a telethon for me, but I've just realized that's absolutely true. Although the pop-culture representation of handcuffs is "Ooh! Kinky!" But is something really kinky when it's a joke on the Golden Girls? Even if it's a bachelor-party stripper losing her key or something.