I think anti-semitism is real. In the U.S. I don't think it is as big as many places. I get the feeling it is much much worse in the UK. Again never been in the UK, so I don't insist on this and could be wrong. It just that when I talk to Brits I occasionally get shocked by things I know I would never hear in the U.S.

Oh and as to the term including Muslims. Not historically. It was originally invented to refer specifically to prejudice against Jews by a Rabbi, and then proudly picked up by people who hated Jews. The root word (which after all refers to a language group) is not the same as the meaning. There is some argument that maybe it should be extended to Muslims, and that argument goes back very far, but it was not the original meaning and still is not the usual meaning.

As for being called a "Jew": I confess I find this whole thing strange. For me, being called a "Jew" as as much as being called "human being" or "woman". I am, and don't understand what's the big deal about it.

It's not about the value of the word, it's about the intent of the person using it. Nobody says "Get out of my store, Jew" if they think being Jewish is a value-neutral quality.

The Girl and I often talk about how anti-Semitism includes Muslim people (of Arabic descent and so on) these days

Technically, "anti-semitic" only refers to Jews - it was invented in Germany specifically to allow people to identify as Jew haters without sounding crass about it. (To be fair, the Nazis were none too keen on Muslim Arabs either, but they probably had a separate word for it.) [ heh - etymology xpost!]

Oh and as to the term including Muslims. Not historically.

True, but there's a very similar quality of anti-Islam type hatred going on at the moment. There's a related sense of 'the other among us', with a similar rhetoric of conspiracy and cultural invasion.

It's not about the value of the word, it's about the intent of the person using it. Nobody says "Get out of my store, Jew" if they think being Jewish is a value-neutral quality.

I'm not sure I'm really qualified to contribute here, but I had a very similar conversation recently with a woman about the word "queer".

And in other totally stress-inducing news, Joe's actual, birth mother is coming to visit us in May and I just bought her plane ticket. I've met her once and it was simultaneously weird and very uncomfortable.

Joe already said that we won't be forcing the kids to spend time with her unless they are comfortable (which I can't imagine they will be), but I'm not looking forward to those moments. And she smokes. Which is fine when she's in her world, but I'm not really looking forward to. (Again, Joe says he has no problem with this, but normally, where he's from, you don't ask your mom to go smoke outside. Oh, and what do I say when Ellie asks what she's doing?)

Er. It's awkward breaking into this very serious and important conversation with a trivial makeup question...please forgive.

I need some advice, given it is my big 5-0 tomorrow and I'm planning on going to Macy's to pick up an Eye Bright pencil, based on recommendations here.

I feel I need to spruce up my look, but have only ever worn foundation, blush or shadow on the stage due to sensitive skin and a tendency to unconsciously rake my fingers through any well-meaning makeup.

When I do wear embellishment, it is as follows:

• Maybelline, express makeup 3in1, ivory01 to cover the circles under my eyes
• A dark brown eyeliner, smudged
• L'Oreal, Double Extend mascara, black
• Origins, Matte stick, berry 01
• Maybellene, shiny.licious lip gloss, sugar plum

The gloss I like is currently out of print. A tragedy, considering that most lip treatments burn my lips something awful.

At the risk of frightening the children and horses, here is a photo of me, makeup-less, in my new favorite jaunty hat. (stand back, it's an enormous image)

Notice the extreme pale-itude, the lineslineslines and the freckles. So much in need of repair. My eyes are paleish olive with some yellow.

If I were going for a 'natural' look and had little to spend on such an indulgence, what would the hivemind recommendations be?

And in other totally stress-inducing news, Joe's actual, birth mother is coming to visit us in May and I just bought her plane ticket. I've met her once and it was simultaneously weird and very uncomfortable.

This was exactly my experience when I met my mother after 27 years apart. Just odd and weirdly disconnected. That whole 'genes singing to each other' thing just didn't happen.

The thing that helped me to finally come to peace with it is a tool I use with my clients all the time: Your family are just people that you know. It's up to you to decide how you feel about them, completely apart from the labels.

I initially felt like I should like her, but I just didn't ever know her...or she, me. I do thank her for making my body though...that's not nothing!

eta: bitter, sad memory redacted for inappropriateness.

{{{{Stephanie}}}}} I hope you and Joe are able to come to an understanding about how best to balance protecting your kids with honoring his mother.

In Re: the anti-semitism discussion, here is a recent LJ post on my flist on the topic: [link] It mentions specifically an Italian bishop blaming Jews for the Roman Catholic Church's sex abuse scandal, who thinks that Hilter just might have been on to something. And it mentions the Stephen Roth Institute's tracking of violent incidents of anti-semitism, including over 100 in the U.S. during 2009. I dunno if this will help or hurt.

The weird thing to me is that Joe looks so much like his mom, but she's a total stranger.

The weird thing to me is that Joe looks so much like his mom, but she's a total stranger.

This is the weirdest thing.

I was shocked to hear my vocal expressions...including word choice...coming back at me over the phone line. I wasn't even talking properly when we were parted!

And, as I drug myself through the airport, after leaving my mother's last hospital stay, I heard someone say, "Are you Bonny?"

It was my half-sibling, whom I had not seen in 33 years. She said that she looked up, in her tired state, and asked outloud, "How could they let my mother out of the hospital, I thought she was dying."

Though I never saw it myself, I am apparently the spitting image. So, so strange.

Stephanie, it seems weird for a total stranger to say such a thing, but I really do feel for both you and Joe in this scenario and hope for the very best possible outcome. It's awkward and challenging...but I'm glad that I got to know my mother, even the least little bit I did, if just to complete my own history. I hope the same, or much better, comes to pass for you.

And, on a totally other note, thanks again for the Floradix recommendation. I started taking it yesterday and feel as if I have so much iron going on that magnets are going to start flying toward me any minute. If I make it through my donation next week, it will be down to your good advice!