I've been away from the computer since last night and just caught up.

Here's the thing, I totally understand the bad experiences with doctors, but what I'm feeling here is a double standard.

I feel like if I came in here after a long flight cross country next to a fat person in a tiny plane seat and said "What the hell, fat people shouldn't be allowed to get on a plane!" I'd be chased off the board. Now, just to be clear, I would NOT say that, the lack of space on planes is an issue with the airline industry, not with the people that ride on the planes. However, I stated it this way to bring it full circle. If I painted all fat people with the same brush due to a few bad experiences I feel like I'd be called on it. Same thing if I did it towards teachers. Years ago I WAS called on it when I did it towards religion.

The trick is, doctor bashing seems to be a safe thing to do on this board and it really does bother me. This isn't isolated, it's come up many times over the years. For some reason it is acceptable to bash on doctors and the medical profession. I've never liked this.

Also, I'm overweight. According to BMI I'm actually obese, so I get where this comes from. I've had the lecture from doctors. The first PCP I had in my current plan did this and I ended up switching doctors and thankfully got one who is more understanding about it and has been working with me.

Andi, I know that you didn't intend to hurt, and please believe me when I say that I am so sorry for the experiences you life has brought you in regards to the medical establishment. I wish I could make it better. Also know that we are fine. My reaction was not isolated to your statement, but was a reaction to something that I feel is somewhat part of board culture, and it has bothered me for years. I try to be quiet about it most of the time, but sometimes it just hurts. I know that part of it has been me missing my father a lot lately and so it struck an isolated nerve this time.

I don't expect people to never rant about healthcare, but I would like people to take just a moment and consider what they are typing before they type it. Think about the fact that you just might be catching some very good people in a very broad net of negativity.

I can be the king of the rant. Kristin knows it, my employees know it, and my friends know it. I know how much of a release it can be, but I also know that I've really hurt some folks unintentionally with my rants, and I hate that.

I'm rambling now. I'll stop.

It's a hard thing to get past, "I'll do X when I've achieved Y." Especially when Y is a hundred extra pounds huddled lovingly on your frame.

I'm working hard to get past this, but some things—especially things that focus on interactions with other people, such as dating—are still hovering on the mythical "when I'm thin" spot on my calendar. But I'm getting better about getting myself the occasional pretty outfit that fits now, not when I can order from the "normal" size person catalog. My mom was obese and she was dieting and exercising the entire time I knew her, except for the last several months post-chemo, before she died. And she put off lots of things until a thin time that never came. I'm trying hard to learn from her example and do otherwise. (Not put things off, that is. I'm still trying to exercise. And I need to hit "post" so I can meet up with Amyth for a walk.)

Easier said than done. It's nearly impossible to be a strong advocate for yourself when you're so depressed/exhausted/in pain you can barely get out of bed, or cognitively impaired by disease or mental illness or sheer fatigue. (I know you know this. You should read the long-ass original post I culled this from. I'm ranting.)

Oh, yeah. I know and live this. I've only really been able to be a forceful advocate for myself with pregnancy.

Cause hell if I practice what I preach.

I have had mixed experiences with doctors and therapists and such.

I've had the same doctor for a long time but there are defintely some issues there.

But it's really hard to find a good doctor. I'm procrastinating about finding a therapist because of the issues I have. I as given a list of three names -- 1 wasn't taking new patients, 1 didn't take my HMO any more, and 1 started seeing. But she kept bringing up childhood sexual abuse in weird ways. And she didn't seem to believe her when I said, that I wasn't and no one had ever asked me or thought I was.

Speaking of my doctor I may have to call them tomorrow, I have a headache, a fever and a sore throat.

Apparently Cheney's trip to the hospital was, in fact, for a mild heart attack.

I can, fortunately, say that I am NOT imitating Dick Cheney. The fact that I'm posting either means that I'm recovering after getting a baboon heart transplant and The Boy brought me my laptop, or I'm home waiting for pizza to get out of the oven.

(Hint: it's not the baboon heart.)

After an EKG, blood tests for cardiac enzyme changes, and a chest X-ray, apparently my ticker is okay. Or, at the very least, I haven't had a heart attack, and everything seems stable.

They do want me to get a treadmill stress test soon, though, which is fine by me.

Amusingly, the doctor in charge at the ER was my friend from high school (the one whose screed about the evils of health insurance ruined my night a while back). So, despite the fact that his paycheck is coming from MY INSURANCE, it was reassuring to see him.

He told me that, with my dad's history, it was definitely NOT a stupid idea to come in. And that women get the shaft when it comes to heart attack symptoms, since they're often much vaguer than the symptoms that men get.

(Also, he told me that this morning he had a patient who DID have a heart attack whose only symptom was diarrhea. And the thing is, it was the patient's *second* heart attack, and both times the only symptom was diarrhea. Can you imagine? If it were me, I would be FREAKED OUT every time I went to the bathroom!)

As for what the dealio is with my own symptoms, they were probably a combination of side effects from the new antidepressant, my IBS, and stress. Vague but apparently not deadly.

And now if the pizza would just get done cooking, all would be well with the world.

Yay for the good news Teppy! And the treadmill test will probly be good if nothing else than to make you feel better in the future when you do feel a bit parnoid (assuming of course the treadmill comes out negative. If it doesn't all the more reason to have gotten it!)

They do want me to get a treadmill stress test soon, though, which is fine by me.

I was going to ask if you'd had one of those. Apparently, they didn't push my time on the treadmill as much as they wanted because at the 4 minute mark they didn't like the signs of stress they were seeing. So I'm supposed to walk very quickly for 5 minutes a day so we can get my heart used to doing more than updating Farmville.

I've gotten my 1-mile walk time down from ~17 minutes to under 15, so I'm cool for a treadmill test.

And the pizza is making my belly happy.

I'm so glad you went to the ER, Teppy. I'm of the "it's just a flesh wound" school, and it's going to kill me one day. I urge everyone to do not as I do, but as I tell them to.

And the thing is, it was the patient's *second* heart attack, and both times the only symptom was diarrhea. Can you imagine? If it were me, I would be FREAKED OUT every time I went to the bathroom!

Considering the way my IBS manifests, I'd be having a heart attack in every store bathroom in town. (I know. TMI.)

Considering the way my IBS manifests, I'd be having a heart attack in every store bathroom in town. (I know. TMI.)

Right??? b/c, SO WITH YOU on the IBS thing!

God damn, that's a good pizza. (Totino's crappy, cheap-ass pizzas are inexplicably tasty to me. Especially when I doctor them up with fancy sausage on top.)