Okay, I keep reading about the airplane terrorist from Christmas Day, and I have a couple of thoughts:

1. You know how the media MUST give notorious figures a nickname -- i.e., "Shoe Bomber." Does this mean that the current yahoo is going to be the Crotch Bomber?

2. Okay. I admit that being a suicide bomber/kamikaze is a whole level of crazy that I can't comprehend. Fanaticism like whoa. But how EXTRA crazy did the Crotch Bomber have to be to STRAP EXPLOSIVES TO HIS JUNK?!?

I mean, seriously. He had to be pretty fucking sure that he was going to blow the plane out of the sky, because if it only ignited and burned, rather than going kaboom, then he was LIGHTING HIS JUNK ON FIRE!!!

How extra goddamn fucking crazy do you have to be to strap explosives to your genitals?!?!?

(Or near enough to them that it qualifies as "strapped to.")

And then despite all that, it did in fact fail, and I believe he did in fact burn the shit out of his junk.

Whole new level of WTfuckingF, way beyond the WTF involved in just trying to comprehend suicide bombers.

The Crotch Bomber, ladies and gentlemen.

Of course, it just occurs to me I have gift cards out the wazoo for clothing and Home Despot. So that helps, since I need both and wouldn't spend it on myself otherwise, no matter how dire the need.

How extra goddamn fucking crazy do you have to be to strap explosives to your genitals?!?!?

So crazy you'd want to bother bombing Detroit.

So crazy you'd want to bother bombing Detroit.

Oh, yeah. That, too.

Strapping explosives to your genitals to bomb Detroit.

God DAMN.

Tep, I've been thinking the same thing about Mr. Pants On Fire all day, only just as much stupid as crazy. And these very very serious people keep getting on my radio and talking about grave threats to our security, and I keep yelling back "THIS IS NOT AN EVIL GENIUS PLANNER! THIS IS A MAN WHO SET HIS JUNK ON FIRE AND DIDN'T EVEN SUCCEED! I'LL BE FUCKED IF I CAN'T PLAY SUDOKU FOR THE LAST HOUR OF MY NEXT FLIGHT BECAUSE OF SOMEONE WACKY ENOUGH TO LIGHT HIS PANTS!!"

(Also, the very serious people keep trying to tell me that obvsly there was a very big high-level plan because otherwise how would he have known how to make a detonator out of nothing but chemicals? And, dude, the guy's an engineer. Anyone who watches Mythbusters can tell you that all of those dudes know about blowing shit up!)

I did hear him referred to as the Crotch Rocket yesterday somewhere on the internets.

Some people juggle geese.

And these very very serious people keep getting on my radio and talking about grave threats to our security

Some woman called Talk of the Nation today and said that she was willing to give up all her rights to make sure she could fly safely, and put forth the idea that all passengers should be given jumpsuits to change into when they fly.

Yeah, that'll work.

I did hear him referred to as the Crotch Rocket yesterday somewhere on the internets.

That is AWESOME.

I am definitely benefiting from heat rising from the apartments downstairs.

Which is great in the winter and not so great come July.

Oh MAN.

I just want to sit and do nothing, but that seems impossible.

Which is great in the winter and not so great come July.

Well, we won't be paying for the heat then... and really, paying for it is my main concern.