I don't think so from the kid's perspective. Even indifferent parenting is better than complete absence because that causes lots of damaging feelings of unworthiness and abandonment.

That makes sense.

I don't think so from the kid's perspective. Even indifferent parenting is better than complete absence because that causes lots of damaging feelings of unworthiness and abandonment.

It varies, especially depending on the kid's age. I was relieved when my father dropped out of my life completely. It made things far less complicated and there was far less tension about being grilled by him on what my mother was up to and grilled by her on what my father was up to. Plus, it was so clear he felt it was an imposition on his time and he never let me forget how much he was giving up to spend time with me on the precious weekends.

If I felt anyone was unworthy, it was him, for being an asshat.

He's happy to be able to help; whereas I am horrified at not being able to help myself as much as I want to.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry. As a person who considers my independence one of my greatest traits, it is very hard for me to accept help, so I feel your pain. Look at it this way - if you allow him to help you, you're giving him something :)

I do green beans on Thanksgiving, but usually I just steam them crisp-tender and toss with some kind of vinaigrette. At that point in the meal I'm usually a little starch-n-cream-sauced out.

You know, the man who doesn't want to see his children on weekends is probably doing the kids a favor.

There's probably some truth to that.

I don't think so from the kid's perspective. Even indifferent parenting is better than complete absence because that causes lots of damaging feelings of unworthiness and abandonment.

Hec got there before I did. By and large (though obviously not in all cases, as Barb demonstrated), kids -- who aren't yet at the point of adult-level critical reasoning, let's not forget (obviously, again, depending on their age, as all kids aren't exactly the same when it comes to mental/intellectual/emotional maturity)* -- aren't going to think their asshole absent father is doing them a favor. They're going to wonder what they did wrong to make him not want to see them.

*(Did I equivocate enough? That's my favorite t scarcasm Buffista pastime -- making sure that statements are equivocated, because absolute statements are often [though not always (see what I did there?)] followed by a post where someone immediately provides proof/anecdata to the contrary.)

Wake Up with Hugh Laurie might be the best thing ever.

I'm sorry that yesterday sucked so much. I hate yesterday on y'all's behalf.

By and large (though obviously not in all cases, as Barb demonstrated), kids -- who aren't yet at the point of adult-level critical reasoning, let's not forget -- aren't going to think their asshole absent father is doing them a favor.

I haven't seen any studies, but I imagine there's a big difference between kids and teens in this regard.

At that point in the meal I'm usually a little starch-n-cream-sauced out.

Heh. I never get to this point!

I haven't seen any studies, but I imagine there's a big difference between kids and teens in this regard.

1. I edited to equivocate my statement (and talk about a speedy proof of concept!).

2. I may have skimmed, but I missed the ages of asshole!Dad's kids, and Barb's age when her dad left.

He's happy to be able to help; whereas I am horrified at not being able to help myself as much as I want to.

Since I am almost pathologically unable to accept help, I feel for you. I do believe, at least intellectually, that in a long-term relationship, the karma tends to get fairly evenly distributed. (Unless, of course, you agree to support him while he works on his freelance career and then he'll support you while you finish your PhD, but he leaves you after part one. Just to pick an example completely at random.)

When I was spending a lot of time in the TT Divorce threads there were a lot of studies out indicating that it was better for kids to be in an intact marriage even if there was fighting and tension between the parents.

I hear that, but it's impossible for me to believe that my life would have been worse without my father. It seems to me that feeling rejected by an absent father would be less painful than being rejected and criticized by one who was present every damn day.