In the beginning, there were 300 new posts in Bitches, and I thought I'll read them all over the weekend.

And then there were 500, and I totally gave up and skipped.

Oof. I was looking forward to this.

My room is 100% packed now, and I'll leave Mitzpe Ramon in 3 hours, permanently (as a resident). My parents will move to Ma'ale Adumim this Thursday, and I'll join them there. I don't plan staying there more than a year or two, though, and will rent again in Jerusalem ASAP.

My mom's spending 50% of her time with me driving me batshit, so I can see moving back with my parents will have its difficulties. Highlights are questions like "are you happy to move back with us?" and "do you think that move will be good for us?", which are by no way y/n questions, so I lie to her, saying yes. I can only hope that even though they're my parents and I love them and everything, they'll learn to respect my time. As in, most days I have no idea the exact time I'll be home - I can spend in the library an hour, or three. I can meet a friend and carried in conversation, or I can decide it's been a Bad Day and cut early (though, not from class. From the after-class learning). So I hope the gazillions "I don't know" answers I'll give will start to give them a clue.

University is overwhelming. A day doesn't get by without me having to study in it, weekends included (I managed to narrow it down to just half an hour of studying today, after spending 3 hours studying yesterday. On a weekend). I hope it'll prove itself worthwhile.

All in all, both in what's left of my private life and university, most questions can't be answer with a plain yes or no anymore. It reflects even to the smallest questions of all, as in food choices. Speaking of food, cooking is a huge comfort.

At the ride to Miztpe Ramon I realized what's bothering me most about my life now. It's the feeling that I don't have a stable ground to stand on. I'm looking so hard at times for approval from people, to know where I stand with them, it's ridicules. I don't want to be that needy. I have/had everything I wanted in my life for a while, because my expectations were low and I fought and worked hard, and now I feel like that's been taken away from me, in a way, and I'm not sure what I'm getting back now. It's a horrible feeling of lack of confidence, not so much in myself, but in life. With all that, I feel like an impostor. As if I failed. I know I haven't, but when I can't answer with an easy yes or no to my mom's questions, or the other questions that are being addressed to my on a daily basis, I just don't feel like I know who am I anymore. In the big perspective, I'm alright. Better than alright. I've got a plan and a schedule and all that, and I'm doing whatever I can possibly so. It's the details and the daily struggle that are leaving me in the air, clueless about what's important, what's right and wrong.

With that being said, today has been a Good Day. They always are, until I'm confronted with the details and the hard questions.

I just changed a light bulb! I WILL MAKE SUCH A GOOD HUSBAND.

So now we know how many ghost bovines it takes to change a light bulb.

For those of you who identify as bisexual, have you had equally long relationships with same sex as you have with opposite sex partners?

My longest relationship before DH was less than a week, so he kind of wrecks the stats. I never really met anyone before him I wanted to spend that much time with as well as getting frisky. That said, I probably got frisky with ladies and dudes about 50:50 prior to meeting him. The straight guys being low hanging fruit didn't really affect me that much until I left Dublin because a good half of my friends at home were either gay or bi and we tended to hang out in gay or very gay friendly bars and pubs.

Seska - that's brilliant about your GF. To my shame, I did not know there was an event on yesterday, or I probably would have gone.

Happy Wedding Day, Nicole!!! I hope it is everything you want it to be.

Happy weddings and happy Halloween, y'all!

Oh, Shir. Sometime, I want you to see the silliness that is Halloween in the U.S. I'm not really the one to show it to you, because I don't decorate and dress up. But I want you to see it, because it's a day that's mostly just fun. And I don't think you have enough pure silliness of the good kind right now. From your statement above, it sounds like you feel your dreams may be breaking. I hope you don't end up too broken yourself.

Happy Hallowe'en, Bitches!

Happy Birthday, Daniel!

it sounds like you feel your dreams may be breaking

Not my dreams. Just my reality. It's shifting. Maybe that Higgs particle is real. Anyway, I do plan to see Halloween sometime. I'm thinking about Halloween 2011, or 2012, if I'll have to fund the Great Trip Abroad 2 by myself (but I think my parents will chip in as a graduation present, anyway).

And happy birthday, Daniel!

ION. There's a gorgeous Siamese cat on my windowsill, who's Totally Not Noticing Me At All, and just being plain gorgeous.

That means I can kidnap him and love him foreveh until death (read: his claws) do us apart, right?

He's so pretty. And so catish.

Shir, I've read several of your posts about this move back in with your parents, but I'm still kind of confused about why you're doing it.

Obviously you don't have much choice in the matter, since it seems to be making you very unhappy - I don't want to add to that unhappiness, but could you (or maybe someone else?) explain to me why you're in this position?

Well, Fay, it has several reasons.

The first is the economic one. Since I lost my job almost a year ago, after a few months the money was gone (except for the part I saved for my tuition). Until I'll get another job (which will probably be only next year), I won't be able to afford a place, and I don't want my parents to pay for it.

The second is my sister. She had (and still have) a long, hard, meaningful army service, and that affected our whole family. I feel like we should have the time to spend together as a family - I left home at 15, and my sister then was 11. I feel like we should get to know each other better.

The third reason is that they are moving to a place that's close to my university, so it's easier to move in with them.

And the main reason, of course, of why we moving to he settlement is the freaking dog. I love him, I really do, but if we wouldn't have him we wouldn't need a place with a yard, and would be able to live within 1967 borders.

Happy Hallowe'en Wedding Day Nicole!