We're having a planned breakup.

I...don't understand this. Were you like, "Okay, right now, I like you fine, but in a month I'm not going to like you, so be ready,"? Or "I don't really like you, but let's give it another month to see,"?

I am SO not emotionally mature enough to do this. If things are at the point where we shouldn't be dating, then it needs to happen NOW. I want to basically cut & run, slash & burn, and salt the goddamn earth.

Waiting a month to do that would only give me ample time to buy a firearm and learn how to use it. And plan where to hide the body. (See also: F2F thread.)

But, again: Steph /= emotionally mature. My breakups -- like my relationships, I guess -- have always been tempestuous and emotional, instead of reasoned and planned out.

Maybe you could teach a class, vw. Seriously. Lots of people (myself OBVIOUSLY included) don't know how to break up well.

I...don't understand this. Were you like, "Okay, right now, I like you fine, but in a month I'm not going to like you, so be ready,"? Or "I don't really like you, but let's give it another month to see,"?

I hope you actually want an answer to this question...

So, we were like, "It appears we're on different paths in our lives, so let's split before we drive each other crazy. But, look, we've got some plans coming up, so let's still do those and then move on."

We still like each other. I'd even go as far to say that we still love each other. But, we have some differences that won't be reconciled (kids, religion, etc.). So, we've accepted that, finished our plans, had some good sex, and then we'll part ways. I imagine we'll stay in touch, but we're playing that part by ear.

Maybe you could teach a class, vw. Seriously. Lots of people (myself OBVIOUSLY included) don't know how to break up well.

And to add to comment on this... I think DBT has helped me get to this point. Before, EVERYTHING had to be an emotional battle--drama, I'd even say. I don't want that anymore.

You know, I've liked Aaron. He's been really good for me. So, he's not "the one" (ETA: though, I'm not sure I believe in "the one"). Why should we have a big dramatic breakup if it's not necessary? Why can't we celebrate what we had...what we did for each other...and move on to the next phase of our lives?

I've never actually broken up with a boyfriend this way but I have had a few situations where there was lots of attraction but no relationship was ever going to go anywhere. We sort of just decided to walk away because while we really liked each other, we wanted different things in life.

I'm kind of sitting here picturing Steph with her jaw still dropping at my response. Come back everyone!

My breakups were sort of like that, but less "we'll break up at a future date" and more "we'll break up now but keep having sex and in every other way dating for a while".

I'm kind of sitting here picturing Steph with her jaw still dropping at my response. Come back everyone!

Heh. No, I was actually working.

Like I said before, I'm in awe of your maturity. And practicality (about deciding that you should split, but not until you did all the stuff that you had already planned).

I think that even if a partner and I amicably realized that we had no future and should therefore part ways, once that decision was made, I couldn't stick around for a month. Because I'd just be thinking, "Well, this [concert/play/whatever] is nifty, but I guess that's the last time we'll ever go to a [concert/play/whatever] together." And it would upset me. Or piss me off.

I guess I'm too emotional. If I thought that a partner and I shouldn't be together, I couldn't agree to "Yes, we'll break up, but not for a month. Try to ignore the death knell, would you?" Because if I like him enough to spend another month with him, then I wouldn't break up in the first place.

Maybe I'm too simplistic as well as too emotional.

Why should we have a big dramatic breakup if it's not necessary? Why can't we celebrate what we had...what we did for each other...and move on to the next phase of our lives?

I guess it's not the lack of drama that I'm confused by, as much as the "decide to break up....but not YET" part. But it obviously works for the two of you, which is the only thing that's important for your relationship.

Work? You're not supposed to do that!

Em, I think we could go on like that for a long time (with the hanging out and having sex), but I wouldn't move on. And I need to move on. So, we'll see how it plays out. That's kind of why we set an end-date to it. Because we both knew that we were happy enough that we could do that for a long time, but we needed an end date. So, there you have it.

And I do wonder if I have a shorter fuse about certain things (like the dishes) because I know that they're just not worth addressing long-term.

I am worried what next week will look like, though. I went from being with the kiddos to being sick to seeing CBD every night, and next week it'll be just me. Maybe that will be good. Maybe that will be terrifying.

Em, I think we could go on like that for a long time (with the hanging out and having sex), but I wouldn't move on.

Well, in one case I left the state and in the other he left the country, so you're right, a hard end had to be provided eventually.

So, totally unrelated, I'm having a horrible writing block. I've been trying to work on a couple of different pieces using some advice from one of my professors. I'm trying to write an account, rather than a story. So, there is no point, other than to write an account. I can't seem to write like that.

The funny thing is that we're supposed to be being very nonjudgmental of the situation...not evaluating the situation, just writing what happened. But, instead of this working easily for me, I'm judging everything I write: "Oh, that's evaluating. Stop that!" "Oh, that's working towards a lesson. Stop that!" Etc.

Grrrr.