Spike's Bitches 44: It's about the rules having changed.
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
That was a very well-written article. I was particularly taken with the part about respecting a woman's right to set her own boundaries, and how it's perceived if they're ignored.
I occasionally have conversations with The Boy that blow his mind, w/r/t what it's like to live as a woman. I asked him once what he does when he leaves a store alone in the evening and heads across the parking lot for his car.
"What do you mean? I go get in my car."
"I look around the lot quickly, so as not to be obvious, to see if there's anyone just sort of lurking about. I have my keys in my hand, held in a jabby-ready position. As I get closer to my car, depending on how many cars are parked around it, I make a wide berth and try to eyeball underneath the cars, as well as the row of cars on the passenger side of where I'm parked. I don't put stuff in the trunk, because I don't want to wait; I open the driver's side door, toss in my bags, get in, start the car, and drive away immediately, buckling my seat belt and locking my door as I do."
"...At the *mall*???"
"You damn betcha."
I had that conversation with my husband about shutting the garage door and being aware of other cars around.
I read everything!
Congratulations Gris! Congratulations Jessica & DH!
House~ma Barb! Shir those classes sound great.
Stephanie, health~ma to Frisco and the whole family.
I go back to work now. whee.
My friend Jude says that the only way that there will ever be true gender equality is when a woman can feel as safe walking down a dark street by herself as a man typically does. There's a lot of sense in that.
a woman's right to set her own boundaries, and how it's perceived if they're ignored.
Not to mention all the times I've been waking down the street, minding my own business, Being A Woman In Public, when some guy will catcall or yell something out of a car. Obviously I ignore this, which is then followed up with, "I was just TRYING TO TALK TO YOU, BITCH!!!"
Yeah, because yelling at a stranger out of a moving car is the preferred method of initating discourse with someone.
And in totally shallow stuff...
My friend and co-leader K swung by our house this morning to drop off something she bought for me. She walks in and hands me...the pink "Popular" baseball tee from
Wicked.
She's never even seen the show nor heard the music, but she said, "I had to get it for you! It's just so you! It's pink and sparkly!!"
For those keeping count, she is the THIRD PERSON to buy me this shirt - all of whom shattered my delusions that I am Elphaba through and through by telling me, "Oh honey, no. You're Glinda."
Sigh.
Then she took my daughter, so ya know, fair trade.
Oh God, you brought back the memory of the man in the truck who verbally assaulted me and DW because we walked in front of his truck as he was stopped and we were walking straight ahead on the sidewalk. He goes, "You're welcome." DW goes, "It is California law that pedestrians have the right of way." Then he goes completely apeshit, calling DW fat and saying I have no "tits" and how we'll never get a man (ha!). And he continues the assault driving slowly by us, in front of all kinds of people.
The only funny part of this story was that DW was getting more and more angry and I was trying to calm her down and telling her not to say anything back so as not to escalate. But as we all sat waiting for a red light to change and the fun just keeps on coming, I lose it and scream, "SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" I still hear about that to this day, jokingly. Seriously, though, it was quite terrifying.
My friend Jude says that the only way that there will ever be true gender equality is when a woman can feel as safe walking down a dark street by herself as a man typically does. There's a lot of sense in that.
I am a huge ally of transgender rights (I hope that's obvious), and yet I've had the conversation with The Boy* about how I cannot fathom wanting to live as a woman in this goddamn society if you didn't have to.
*(He has no desire to transition; I totally support people who *do* transition, because I ALSO cannot fathom walking around in a body that doesn't match your soul. But I still struggle with the idea that someone gives up what society perceives as male privilege because they want to live with the bullshit that I do every day.) (I also know they aren't transitioning because they *want* the bullshit; that's just a goddamn patriarchal side effect.)
The one I get all the time, which I really hate, is if I'm walking somewhere while thinking about a problem I'm working on or something, some guy will inevitably come up to me and tell me to smile.
There was one episode of Jon and Kate where Kate and the kids went to visit the Ace of Cakes people. One of the little girls had her hair in two braids, and Duff (the guy who owns the Ace of Cakes bakery) came up behind her and started playing with her braids. She turned around and said, very clearly, "Stop that." Then she turned back to the cake she was decorating, and he kept on playing with her hair. I nearly lost it. Dude, you have just taught this little girl (I'm sure not the first or last time she'll learn it) that your desire to do something you think is fun trumps her right to decide who touches her body.
Not to mention all the times I've been waking down the street, minding my own business, Being A Woman In Public, when some guy will catcall or yell something out of a car. Obviously I ignore this, which is then followed up with, "I was just TRYING TO TALK TO YOU, BITCH!!!"
One thing I love about NYC - this happens pretty rarely. Even the douchebags here don't really want to talk to other people on the street.