My friend Jude says that the only way that there will ever be true gender equality is when a woman can feel as safe walking down a dark street by herself as a man typically does. There's a lot of sense in that.
I am a huge ally of transgender rights (I hope that's obvious), and yet I've had the conversation with The Boy* about how I cannot fathom wanting to live as a woman in this goddamn society if you didn't have to.
*(He has no desire to transition; I totally support people who *do* transition, because I ALSO cannot fathom walking around in a body that doesn't match your soul. But I still struggle with the idea that someone gives up what society perceives as male privilege because they want to live with the bullshit that I do every day.) (I also know they aren't transitioning because they *want* the bullshit; that's just a goddamn patriarchal side effect.)
The one I get all the time, which I really hate, is if I'm walking somewhere while thinking about a problem I'm working on or something, some guy will inevitably come up to me and tell me to smile.
There was one episode of Jon and Kate where Kate and the kids went to visit the Ace of Cakes people. One of the little girls had her hair in two braids, and Duff (the guy who owns the Ace of Cakes bakery) came up behind her and started playing with her braids. She turned around and said, very clearly, "Stop that." Then she turned back to the cake she was decorating, and he kept on playing with her hair. I nearly lost it. Dude, you have just taught this little girl (I'm sure not the first or last time she'll learn it) that your desire to do something you think is fun trumps her right to decide who touches her body.
Not to mention all the times I've been waking down the street, minding my own business, Being A Woman In Public, when some guy will catcall or yell something out of a car. Obviously I ignore this, which is then followed up with, "I was just TRYING TO TALK TO YOU, BITCH!!!"
One thing I love about NYC - this happens pretty rarely. Even the douchebags here don't really want to talk to other people on the street.
Dude, you have just taught this little girl (I'm sure not the first or last time she'll learn it) that your desire to do something you think is fun trumps her right to decide who touches her body.
This is one of the reasons I don't force Emeline to give anyone hugs or kisses goodbye of she doesn't want to, no matter who it is. If she doesn't want to, by God I'm not going to tell her that she has to. Even if it's Gramma or Grampa or even me or Joe. She gets to choose who she kisses and hugs and interacts with - not me and not her dad. It's also the main reason I wouldn't pierce her ears when she was a baby. They aren't my ears.
This is one of the reasons I don't force Emeline to give anyone hugs or kisses goodbye of she doesn't want to, no matter who it is.
My SiL always tries to force my niecephews to hug and kiss me when I come visit and I'm always, "It's totally fine. They'll warm up on their own. Don't make them." But she continues on and on. I hate it - and they always do warm up within like an hour. Ugh.
But I will say that it's SUPER hard explaining it to male family members, like my dad who is the sweetest guy in the world, why it's not cool to make her give kisses and hugs and what forcing her to do it teaches her because it's hard for him not to personalize it. Which totally sucks.
Shit I didn't say to a friend today: "Why the hell are you marrying him!?! "
Sorry, just needed to let that out somewhere.
I do like that in LA I get much less hassles from strange men than I did in Detroit. Or maybe it's a function of age.
I'm not as cautious as the average woman, and I should be. My idea of taking care on an Internet date is making sure I have a knife close to hand.
For those keeping count, she is the THIRD PERSON to buy me this shirt - all of whom shattered my delusions that I am Elphaba through and through by telling me, "Oh honey, no. You're Glinda."
Whereas I've received two Defying Gravity/Elphaba shirts as gifts.
So that leaves us at you're Florence, I'm Svetlana; you're Glinda, I'm Elphaba.
You get the showstopper song in Chess, I get it in Wicked.
