One of the things I always liked about my dad was that he would take the time to listen. He would say "okay, I see your point" or "I can see why you would think that" but it was often followed by "but I'm the dad, so we do it my way." and I was okay with that, as long as my opinion was recognized.

I wish I could have been as cool as you and your dad, Vortex. But since I felt that my opinion was recognized (and if not, I'd find a way to make my opinion to be recognized), I'm at a point where it's more important to me that my opinion will matter than it'll be recognized. Maybe because I'm feeling I'm compromising enough as is on a daily basis. I don't know.

It's about respect. As a manager, I welcome differing opinions, and often ask my reports if there's a better way (that they know of) that we can do things. I am eager for input, and open to their ideas. But they understand that there is a time and context for their ideas, and they need to be presented respectfully and not as a knee-jerk reaction.

The minute a report gets an attitude with me? They get pulled into a private meeting. And it doesn't happen more than once. They need to be respectful not only towards me, but to their colleagues.

One of the things I always liked about my dad was that he would take the time to listen. He would say "okay, I see your point" or "I can see why you would think that" but it was often followed by "but I'm the dad, so we do it my way." and I was okay with that, as long as my opinion was recognized.

I had a boss like that. He'd present a project and I'd present a methodology. He'd counter my idea with his own. I'd counter with the plusses and minusses of each (with my idea, of course! being the stronger). Sometimes he'd choose mine, sometimes not.

The first time it was not my idea that won out, he said, "So, you'll do it my way?" I said sure. He said, "You still disagree with me, though, don't you?" I said of course I do, but you're the boss. He looked a bit surprised, but pleased.

We got along great.

God, I am so not cut out to be a boss. Or a parent.

/mememe

One of the things I always liked about my dad was that he would take the time to listen. He would say "okay, I see your point" or "I can see why you would think that" but it was often followed by "but I'm the dad, so we do it my way." and I was okay with that, as long as my opinion was recognized.

When I was growing up my Dad called this method "Russian democracy - everyone votes and then we do what I say."

Last week, I emailed my advisor several times, starting on Sunday, asking to meet with him early in the week, because I would be leaving town on Thursday, and I had several things I wanted to discuss. He emailed me back late Tuesday night, saying that he could meet with me at 5 on Wednesday. I said fine.

One of the things I wanted to discuss with him was submitting an abstract to give a talk at a meeting in January. I had something that would sort of fit into one of the special sessions, but it would be approaching it from a different angle than the way I normally approach it. We discussed a little about how to do that. I said that the abstract deadline was Tuesday (that would be, today.) He said that if I got a draft of the abstract sent to him by Friday, then he could get back to me with comments and suggestions by Monday.

So. I put together something while on the train on Thursday and sent it to him Friday morning. And I just sent in exactly that as my submitted abstract, because I have not heard back from him since then.

Hil, did a calendar frighten your advisor when he was a small child? He seems to have an unhealthy relationship with scheduling.

I mean, I understand being upset if you believe you are right and are getting yelled at, but she compounded it with "next time, i'll write it down so I can show you." UNFUCKINGACCEPTABLE.

I've been known to do that, while couching it in, "Gee, bosslady, I've been so forgetful lately, I just want to be sure I remember it right... Now just to be sure, let me repeat back to you..." Of course, it's hard to tell when I'm doing that as part of coping with a really crappy memory, and when I'm coping with a boss who makes my eyes roll out of my head. And then when stuff's hitting the fan, I can disingenuously say, "Huh, my notes from x date and y time said thus and so. I'm sorry, I don't know how I could have gotten it so wrong," eye-rolling to commence after supervisor leaves the room.

I do have a supervisor I argue with. I argue with her about how much she gossip she can tell me about my coworkers. I argue with her about how much whining she should do in front of the residents. I argue with her about basic, essential behavior management techniques that are the fundamental skills required in our profession. I put some effort into keeping my attitude as professional as possible while attempting to teach her how to be more professional. But sometimes I just lose all ability to pretend to respect her, and manage her behavior the way I do the residents'.

The minute a report gets an attitude with me? They get pulled into a private meeting. And it doesn't happen more than once. They need to be respectful not only towards me, but to their colleagues.

the only reason that she got to multiple chances is that she's a student. she fucked the third and got bounced.

Not to mention: if you expect to be meeting your boss at a specific time and place and they aren't there on time? Call and make sure you got everything right...or to find out if you're going to start making some adjustments. No brainer. Everything about that intern screams "unemployable" to me.