I say this with all the love for you in the world.
If that is not what you want, then you have to nut up and tell them that and be prepared to disengage from them as long as they bring it up. It's the onliest way to get it through to them that you need to do this on your terms - not theirs. They won't hear it for a long time, I'm sure, but you *have* to tell them in very clear, very blunt, very obvious ways.
It's gonna suck and the emotional blackmail is gonna flow like hot molasses, but you have to find someway for them to hear it and for you to say it.
Trifecta -
Then again, I told my co-worker she had a big ass today, so I might have lost some cred today.
Then again, I told my co-worker she had a big ass today, so I might have lost some cred today.
Sure, but you didn't accidentally get talked into considering marriage with her, now did you?
Or decide you want to start looking for a partner, and then enter in and really be part of the search--with the understanding that this may NOT be the best way for you to go about it but you will give it your very best shot. Because it isn't totally clear that you are not interested, since you keep following up on these matches.
Right now you are sort of halfway doing it, and that isn't fair to you, your family or any woman you deal with in the process.
I have no idea how to make them hear it, because I have said it many times. I have specifically said the sentence, "I don't want to get married for the sake of getting married." But they don't see it that way.
I'm a broken record, I'm sorry. This is frustrating.
I am going to stray from the herd here because, really, I think you have two choices, P-C.
Either you talk to them about not being ready to be married right now and stand by it. Or you realize that you will do what they want and go on with their attempts to arrange a marriage and get married and live that life.
But I don't think you get both. You can't follow that cultural/familial expectation and also rebel against it.
Unless you really think that the search for a bride is going to result in you meeting that one person where you will both immediately fall into perfect love-resulting-in-rather-immediate-marriage and then everyone is going to happy.
I mean, in an ideal world, I'd wish that for you. But I don't personally understand how to make it happen.
Or decide you want to start looking for a partner, and then enter in and really be part of the search--with the understanding that this may NOT be the best way for you to go about it but you will give it your very best shot. Because it isn't totally clear that you are not interested, since you keep following up on these matches.
That's basically what my aunt said. To tell them that, hey, I did it your way, now give me a year to do it my way. My mom always assumes my resistance to the process is because I'm dating someone anyway, as if I am even capable of dating after years of brainwashing and emotional trauma.
I just hate all these artificial time constraints. There's too much pressure to make things happen fast and feel things before they can be felt.
Your aunt may be on to something. If only to give you breathing room to figure out what you do want. Do you want to meet someone and fall in love and just hope she's Gujarati and has brothers and will in all ways make your mother happy? Do you want to meet a lot of Gujarati women and hope you fall in love with one? Are you okay with marrying someone you aren't in love with if you at least like each other? Are you willing to let your mother bulldoze you into a marriage you don't want because she wants you married so badly? These are hard questions and if you could have some time to really think about them rather than just reacting to whatever your mother does it might help you to decide how to proceed.
But I just sat through an hour of relationship Therapy that seemed totally useless and beside the point without complaint because, I don't even know why, so there's really no reason to listen to me on this subject.