I'll just stand behind ita's post and nod.

And also add - if it's not completely obvious to us who are getting your side of all this that you are not ready to get married, it's probably not completely obvious to your family. I know it is unfair that you have to keep saying it over and over until they hear it, but I'm afraid you probably do.

The problem is I can't tell whether I'm not ready to get married or not ready to get married right now. Through this whole stupid expedited arranged marriage process where you barely get to know the girl before you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with her and then, boom, it's done. They want me to get married for the sake of getting married, and I don't want that.

I say this with all the love for you in the world.

If that is not what you want, then you have to nut up and tell them that and be prepared to disengage from them as long as they bring it up. It's the onliest way to get it through to them that you need to do this on your terms - not theirs. They won't hear it for a long time, I'm sure, but you *have* to tell them in very clear, very blunt, very obvious ways.

It's gonna suck and the emotional blackmail is gonna flow like hot molasses, but you have to find someway for them to hear it and for you to say it.

Trifecta -

Then again, I told my co-worker she had a big ass today, so I might have lost some cred today.

Then again, I told my co-worker she had a big ass today, so I might have lost some cred today.

Sure, but you didn't accidentally get talked into considering marriage with her, now did you?

Or decide you want to start looking for a partner, and then enter in and really be part of the search--with the understanding that this may NOT be the best way for you to go about it but you will give it your very best shot. Because it isn't totally clear that you are not interested, since you keep following up on these matches.

Right now you are sort of halfway doing it, and that isn't fair to you, your family or any woman you deal with in the process.

Nope. I double checked.

I have no idea how to make them hear it, because I have said it many times. I have specifically said the sentence, "I don't want to get married for the sake of getting married." But they don't see it that way.

I'm a broken record, I'm sorry. This is frustrating.

I am going to stray from the herd here because, really, I think you have two choices, P-C.

Either you talk to them about not being ready to be married right now and stand by it. Or you realize that you will do what they want and go on with their attempts to arrange a marriage and get married and live that life.

But I don't think you get both. You can't follow that cultural/familial expectation and also rebel against it.

Unless you really think that the search for a bride is going to result in you meeting that one person where you will both immediately fall into perfect love-resulting-in-rather-immediate-marriage and then everyone is going to happy.

I mean, in an ideal world, I'd wish that for you. But I don't personally understand how to make it happen.