I have unkind things to say about your mother.

Yeah, but you don't want to marry me. Well, Trudy might, for the lulz.

I say present this as an option for your mom. That'll put the marzipan in her pie plate, bingo!

I hate hurting people, even when I don't mean to.

And your mother is, in all honesty, throwing a tantrum to control you. So yeah, I agree with Hec and Burrell.

You AREN'T hurting your mother. I cannot stress that strongly enough. If she is choosing to get upset when something (your life) doesn't adhere to the specifications that SHE set up, that is her own issue.

The fact that you aren't married yet IN NO WAY has anything to do with her. NOTHING. It is NOT ABOUT HER. I cannot stress that strongly enough.

Or, put it another way -- her tantrum IS all about her. Whether or not you're married is all about you and no one else, except, when it happens, your wife.

I get ragey and asscappy about this because my own mother has done things like this my entire life. Making every fucking thing about my life into HER issue. And when I didn't live up to the parameters that she imposed, she would lose her shit and make me feel horrible for "hurting" her.

It only stopped when I decided that her shit is just that -- HERS. She still does it from time to time, but I just let it stay where it belongs -- with her.

It's not easy. I don't mean to imply that it is. In fact, it's fucking hard and painful.

And I know how enmeshed your family is, and I know there's a lot of cultural issues that I can't really understand. But I still absolutely believe that you can have a very enmeshed family while letting your mother's shit be hers and only hers. It's very very possible.

You feel like you're hurting her because you're buying in to her issues and her shit. All you can do is acknowledge that she's flipping out, and then go about your life.

You AREN'T hurting your mother. I cannot stress that strongly enough. If she is choosing to get upset when something (your life) doesn't adhere to the specifications that SHE set up, that is her own issue.

You know, you're right. This is the exact converse of what we learned in the stress management talk on Thursday. Things do not stress me out; I stress out about things. The things are not doing anything; my reaction is a result of my own emotions and thoughts. So it follows that her reaction is a result of her own emotions and thoughts and is not related to what I have done or not done.

So it follows that her reaction is a result of her own emotions and thoughts and is not related to what I have done or not done.

Bingo, my friend. BINGO!

I can't disagree with anything Teppy has said.

Agreeing to talk to someone your parents think may be compatible is one thing. Rushing getting married when you are not ready is not reasonable.

Being married is tough, and hopefully a whole rest of your life commitment. It isn't something you want to do to make someone else happy. It is something you want to do to make yourself and your spouse happy.

bows toward Cincinnati and chants, "Teppy is wise: Listen to Teppy."

Also, woo-hoo, Erin!

Yeah...Go Tep!