I think you should just leave a "Hi, call me back" message.

Well, yeah, I'm definitely doing that next time. I just had no idea what the hell I was supposed to say, and "Hi, call me back" didn't seem like enough. It seemed like it didn't count.

No, not yet.

Well, rambly voicemails can go horribly awry.

I just had no idea what the hell I was supposed to say, and "Hi, call me back" didn't seem like enough. It seemed like it didn't count.

Stupid humans with all their tricky protocols and expectations!

But for future reference: "Hi, call me back" is fine. Preferred even, especially if you don't know the person well.

Maybe elaborate a little on "Hi, call me back." Like including your name. "Hi, this is Polter-Cow, call me back."

The official answer is that she's not ready yet, she wants to focus on her studies,

This is very likely the truth. No doubt she is under similar pressure from her parents and likes it about as much as you do.

There is a real future wife out there. I hope it is someone that appreciates your humor and intelligence. If I had a daughter I'd be delighted to have you as a son-in-law. t /mommy

OM, Erin, awesome news! Best reason ever to move to Kansas.

Hrm, i want to purchase a knife. Like, a substantial pocket knife that won't fold back and cut off my fingers when i'm trying to cut through overgrown brush whilst looking at long abandoned foreclosed homes. I don't even know where to start!

Great. According to my sister, now my mom is freaking out and crying wondering where she went wrong with me; apparently she is taking my behavior to mean I don't want to get married and I'm only being difficult to avoid getting married. Which is partly true, as I have told her three million times I don't really feel like I'm ready to be married right this instant but fine I will talk to these girls and see what happens, so I don't know why she thinks this is something new. Plus, some of her friends' kids are getting married, and I'm not, so she is clearly a failure as a mother. After she hung up with me, she started crying and now's she praying/crying.

I swear, if I'm not married within the next few months, she's going to die of stress and it will be my fault.

Because not being married is possibly the worst thing in the world.

t rolls eyes

I swear, if I'm not married within the next few months, she's going to die of stress and it will be my fault.

You know, P-C, even with toddlers we know that crying and making a fuss because you don't get want gets you a timeout.

Don't play along with your mother's histrionics. All she's going to get is a sinus headache. (And deservedly.)

P-C, I have to side with Hec here. You know perfectly well that your mother is not going to die if you don't get married this year. Or even next year. She knows it too.

Let her have her cry, but don't mistake it for anything more than it really is.

I hate hurting people, even when I don't mean to.