Fuck. Fuckity fuck.

Just twisted my other ankle while stepping out of the shower.

it's too late for that delivery of full-body bubble wrap, isn't it? :(

Facebook is confusing me. A girl from high school that I remember as a clove-smoking lesbian who ranted about how conformist everybody was is now married (to a guy) and is a stay-at-home mom, living in Greenwich, driving a station wagon, and organizing attachment parenting meetups. And her profile picture is a picture of her baby.

Well, I think the lesson there is that clove smoking high schoolers who think they are Challenging The Patriarchy are sometimes poseurs and/or full of shit and/or sometimes life just changes.

Sigh, getting into a debate on FB that I am in no mood to commit to, but I was annoyed and said something. No, it was not about the healthcare debate.

For years, my doctors have been telling me that, if I lost weight, it would take pressure off my joints and my knees and ankles would hurt less.

I've lost 20 pounds since May. Those doctors were all liars.

fucking doctors.

Two recent Matilda conversations that need recording.

1.

Matilda: "Daddy daddy! I put all the pieces in my purse."
Me: "Aren't you a clever girl?"
Matilda: ::quite indignant:: "I'm not a good girl! I'm gonna attack your shoes and ice cream!"

2.

JZ: "Is this okay?" ::Matilda has her on all fours on a lead pretending JZ is her dog::
Me: "Yeah, they like it when you play doggie."
Matilda: "Daddy, this is my dog!"
Me: "What's her name?"
Matilda: "Dog."
Me: "You need a better name than that. Something like Woofie or Rover or something. What's her dog name?"
Matilda: "Sheena. She's my Sheena Dog."
::Sheena Dog is put through many exhausting dog trials. Matilda brings her back to me:: Matilda: "This is my Sheena Dog. She's very smart. She's the boss." Note: Sheena dog is still on all fours on a leash at this point.

Matilda is awesome!

Also, props for you and JZ for not bursting out laughing at any of this....

Dear Joe, my Miracleman, light of my life, best of lovers, giant among men. I, Aims, hereby declare that I shall devote my very life to satisfying your every whim, your most fleeting of desires, to granting every wish you may have.

You know that hot girl at the bar? I will bring her home and together we shall quench your carnal appetites. Seriously, I'll go get her. For realsies.

Lasagna every night? It shall be done, o love, o angel, o He of the Mighty...well, you know.

You shall ne'er have to wash another dish, sweep another floor, launder another piece of clothing ever. Ever ever. I'm talking forever. Like, eternity and junk.

We shall name all our pets after comic book heroes. The kids too. Let's change the Punk's name to "Princess Diana of Themyscira McVay Conat." Seriously, I have the paperwork right here.

You can watch whatever you want to watch whenever you want to watch it with no complaints from me. I won't be watching TV anyway...I'll be gazing adoringly at you, panting to leap up and fetch you a beer any time you seem even vaguely thirsty. While wearing lingerie. You know, that one? Yeah. That one. Yeah.

In conclusion, you shall never have to lift a finger...all will be done by me. Even that thing with my tongue.

In all sincerity and truthfulness,

Aims.