Quick, marry Polter-Cow.

Hey, she'll be here in a few weeks. Convenient!

Thanks, Vortex. I forgot about that thread.

Shrift, is there something that your parents forgot to tell you...?

Sometimes we talk about Leverage here too.

Man Kidnapped, Forced to Chug Beer, Freed

A man in Utah told authorities he had been kidnapped, tied up, force-fed two beers and dumped by the side of the road over the weekend, all over a case of mistaken identity. Either that, or it was a really elaborate excuse to tell his wife after going on a total bender.

The man, whose hands had been tied together with a hanger, was found walking along a highway outside Salt Lake City on Saturday morning. He told Police Sgt. Dennis McGowan that he'd parked his car in his driveway at 6 a.m. when he was dragged out and thrown into a red pickup truck by two men.

"They told him this was their area and that he can't sell drugs here," McGowan said, even though the man denied having or selling any drugs.

According to the man's account, the kidnappers then forced him to chug two cans of beer before kicking him out of the truck. The man found himself dazed, disoriented and, somehow, the newest pledge at Phi Kappa Tau.

I've seen a million blog posts and articles about this, so....

Military Researchers Develop Corpse-Eating Robots

From the file marked “Evidently, many scientists have never seen even one scary sci-fi movie”: The Defense Department is funding research into battlefield robots that power themselves by eating human corpses. What could possibly go wrong?

Since they apparently don’t own TVs or DVD players, researchers at Robotic Technology say the robots will collect organic matter, which “could” include human corpses, to use for fuel. But if you picked up anything on flesh-eating robots over the years you know they’ll ignore that tasty soybean field and make a chow line right to the nearest dead body. And, if the machines can’t find enough dead people to eat, they can always make new ones.

Researchers seem to get a kick out of ensuring the demise of the human species, so the project is called the Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot, or EATR. Wired.com readers looking to save time and trouble are invited to begin marinating themselves in a mix of 10W30 and Heinz 57 Sauce immediately.

I have been following the Florida case. It is bound to be a 48 hours mystery or Dateline real life whatever. My guess was that most of the 9 children in the house were special needs and wouldn't be very mobile/vocal and that the robbers assumed they would not be a factor (not that I have heard anything confirming that - just my initial thoughts when I heard it). It reads like a robbery gone wrong. In a not so healthy for me place, I admit that my initial thought was that one of the children was probably involved.

I, for one, welcome our carnivorous robot masters.

The Badass of the Week - Blenda

...Blenda and the women of Smaland tore the Danes a few new assholes, hacking them all into shark chum in the span of just a few minutes and utterly annihilating the invading army with a few hundred well-placed axe blows directly into the goddamned face. The King of Sweden returned from his campaign to find that Blenda and her girlfriends triumphantly standing on top of a massive heaping pile of dead Vikings, and was so pumped up about the whole thing that he granted the women of Smaland a bunch of totally awesome political and social rights that had been previously unavailable to them. From that point on, all daughters had the right to inherit property, money and land equally with their brothers, and were allowed to wear military-style garments around town and at their weddings. They were also given the prestigious right to wear the Royal Coat of Arms on their clothing – a tradition that has lasted to this day. Blenda is still recognized as a national hero in Sweden.

And that, my friends, is a pretty badass way to fight for women's rights.

ION, my boss is singing "Ballad of the Green Berets" to my other boss's dog.