What's up, Kat? Or if it's not shareable, I'll just hate today in solidarity with you.

Contest to write the worst first line of a novel via Andrew Sullivan post.

[link]

For example, the winner from the mystery category:

She walked into my office on legs as long as one of those long-legged birds that you see in Florida - the pink ones, not the white ones - except that she was standing on both of them, not just one of them, like those birds, the pink ones, and she wasn't wearing pink, but I knew right away that she was trouble, which those birds usually aren't.

Sorry today is attacking you Kat.

psst, Gud

It's possible that sometimes I skip.

Always drive to the conditions--freaky creepy NZ accident prevention billboard.

It's all stupid shit that doesn't matter at all but have me all atwitter.

1. I didn't get enough sleep.

2. Noah has been extremely two today.

3. The shoe store for Noah, which used to open at 9, now opens at 10, which I didn't know until I got there.

3B. Barnes and Noble is not to the West of the shoe store. Rather, it's to the east. 7 miles down Ventura Blvd proved that to me.

4. The assholes in Barnes and Noble's parking lot. I could elaborate but why?

5. The woman at the shoe store did NOT listen to me.

6. Noah's feet are average size. For a one-year-old. Unfortunately, Noah doesn't walk or act like a one year old and he needs the additional support that the larger shoes have but the little one's don't.

7. I didn't WANT sandals. I certainly didn't want $54.99 sandals for a two-year-old. And yet, I somehow bought them (didn't realize the price until after I paid for them).

8. The sandals are velcro which he will pull off in like a millisecond. And then he will throw them at the back of my head. Which he did, more than once.

9. I have to return these terrible sandals, but they don't give refunds, just store credit and I need the kid with me for the return. So NOW I have to take him again.

10. I can't believe I didn't just say no. I'm a fucking moron.

11. My library card has expired (they expire?). My ID has my old address and I had nothing with me that proved my new one. So now I need to go back AGAIN later to get a new card.

12. Essentially every errand I did today has gone very wrong.

13. I am supposed to be at cheerleading practice right now. But I'm not going. I know it's irresponsible and it makes me a disappointment, but I don't get PAID to do this and I have nothing new to do/teach/tell/show these girls.

14. I have to go to cheer camp, without kids because the school won't pay for it, on Friday through Monday. But really, it's only on Friday. Because Saturday I have a meeting at the hospital. Sunday I'm going camping with my son and my girl.

ARGH. Crabby. of my own making.

I totally understand if this is TLDR.

Ugh, Kat. I've had days close enough to that to hate today on your behalf.

just store credit and I need the kid with me for the return.

This is utter bullshit. What the hell, shoe store?

(And this kind of behavior from kids shoe stores is why I buy all Dylan's shoes at Payless.)

joins Jessica.

all hail the payless (even though we sometimes have to buy 2 pairs to get a set that fits).